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Fairyland Contractors

And now for something silly...

In my files I found a document I wrote about eight years ago, when I was working for the Accounting and Admin departments of a construction firm.

Evidently I got bored that day.

-----

Files from the Accounting Department of Fairyland General Contractors

*****

CHANGE ORDER
From: Queen of Hearts
To: Jack of Spades

1. Paint all roses in West Garden red: $1,025.34
2. Overtime charges for converting flamingoes into croquet mallets: $547.20

NOTE: Owner reserves right to decapitate workers if work not completed in satisfactory or timely manner.

*****

REQUEST FOR INFORMATION
From: Union of Miners, Dwarves Local 7

Please supply Material Safety Data Sheet on substance used to contaminate enclosed apple sample. Subject (Ms. S. White) is in our custody and under glass for further inspection should you wish to send a medical examiner. Please forward MSDS and any related information to the attention of Sneezy.

*****

PURCHASE ORDER
From: Witch in the woods
To: Dreamland Candies

Furnish candy as described in purchase order summary below:
48 l.f. graham cracker siding
8 50-oz. tubes frosting mortar, white
500 chocolate-wafer roof shingles
15 l.f. red licorice door frames
2 large green gumdrop doorknobs
5 hardened melted-sugar windows, 3' x 4'
1 stove, large enough to fit local boy and/or girl

*****

AUDIT EXCEPTION LETTER
To: Lost Boys, Neverland, attn: Mr. Peter Pan
From: Sire Contractors
Project: Eradicate Captain Hook, Lost Boys job #8721

Item 1: You have billed 24,928 miles of flying between London and Neverland for the period December 1999 through June 2000. Please explain.

Item 2: Your workers all appear to be under the age of 16. Please provide proof that you are legally able to hire minors. Also at this time please provide their full names, as we are not able to verify the employment status of "Curly," "Twins," "John," and so forth.

Item 3: Wooden daggers, fire-making sticks, and bows and arrows appear to be small tools, for which you have an allowance in your labor rates. Please credit these items from your substantiation.

Item 4: Coconut-shell helmets and bamboo shields are safety items, for which you also have an allowance in your labor rates. Please credit these items from the substantiation.

Item 5: Your labor substantiation suggests that Ms T. Bell was paid in clothing and housing made of leaves, rather than by an hourly rate. Please verify. Also please confirm with our project manager that "fairy dust" is a legitimate business expense.

*****

CHANGE ORDER
From: Mice, Project Cinderella
To: Charming Estates Construction

1. Graveyard shift hours for driver of pumpkin/carriage $277.50
2. Consulting hours with fairy godmother $993.00
3. Alter design of glass slipper to shatterproof glass per attached OSHA letter $445.00
4. Overtime labor by birds and mice to construct ball gown $778.35

*****

CHANGE ORDER
From: City of Sleepy Hollow
To: Horseman Enterprises

1. Time-loss expenditures between disappearance of schoolteacher and hiring of replacement $430.00
2. Clean-up of shattered pumpkin along Covered Bridge Roadway $65.00

*****
STOP WORK ORDER
To: Beauty Kingdom
From: Blue, Green, Yellow, and Pink Fairies

By order of Red Fairy's Magic Spell and subsequent finger injury to Princess resulting from contact with spindle, all work must cease in the kingdom while occupants sleep for next 100 years, or until amatory intervention by qualified Prince, whichever comes first.

------

(I'm really glad I can't talk in language like "allowance in your labor rates" and "audit exception letter" anymore.)

Tags:

Comments

( 32 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
As long as I can get paid in fairy dust.
kalquessa
Apr. 21st, 2008 05:03 pm (UTC)
*is helpless with giggles*
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
There's something Wolfram & Hart about it, now that I reread it.
pokeystar
Apr. 21st, 2008 06:02 pm (UTC)
You must be in the House of Awesome!

I'm still giggling.
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
Ah yes, the Awesomes, they are my people. :) Thanks!
elvishly
Apr. 21st, 2008 06:55 pm (UTC)
This is absolutely brilliant - bahaha. <3
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
Cheers!
taliesin
Apr. 21st, 2008 07:23 pm (UTC)
That is too funny!
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
Thankee much.
capra_maritimus
Apr. 21st, 2008 07:41 pm (UTC)
*giggle*
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
*smooches goat* (in your icon, that is)
somandalicious
Apr. 21st, 2008 08:28 pm (UTC)
that's all very clever!!
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:36 pm (UTC)
Thanks!
gavinworld
Apr. 21st, 2008 11:34 pm (UTC)
Those were great. My favorite is:

Item 1: You have billed 24,928 miles of flying between London and Neverland for the period December 1999 through June 2000. Please explain.
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Upon rereading it, I found it rather reminiscent of the paperwork at Wolfram & Hart. Not that I knew about that at the time.
(no subject) - gavinworld - Apr. 24th, 2008 12:49 am (UTC) - Expand
neadods
Apr. 22nd, 2008 12:25 am (UTC)
*giggle*snort*
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC)
Thankee!
fanofall
Apr. 22nd, 2008 01:51 am (UTC)
That is ridiculously AWESOME.
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:37 pm (UTC)
Aw, thanks!
thomas_a_kempis
Apr. 22nd, 2008 05:23 am (UTC)
I Know I Have That Order Here Somewhere....
It wouldn't be the first order of this kind :)

+
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:38 pm (UTC)
Re: I Know I Have That Order Here Somewhere....
Paperwork is the same all over...
shebit
Apr. 22nd, 2008 11:31 am (UTC)
You clearly enjoyed your work.
mollyringle
Apr. 23rd, 2008 09:38 pm (UTC)
Oh, I wouldn't go that far...but at least I found ways to smile while I was there.
kirstenfleur
Apr. 24th, 2008 12:43 am (UTC)
I missed this when you posted it! How brilliant!

I like the change order, and the fairy godmother consulting hours. :) She would charge like a raging bull, wouldn't she...
This is great.
mollyringle
Apr. 26th, 2008 10:43 pm (UTC)
Hee. Thanks! Yep, miracles don't come cheap, you know. (Or else you get lousy miracles.)
dracoisagod
Apr. 24th, 2008 06:19 pm (UTC)
*can't stop giggling*
very clever... =D
mollyringle
Apr. 26th, 2008 10:44 pm (UTC)
*grin*

Thanks!
(Anonymous)
Sep. 8th, 2008 02:32 am (UTC)
i could see a whole book of these
( 32 comments — Leave a comment )

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