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Unintentional Bulwer-Lyttonism

Hey writers, does this ever happen to you? You're trying to describe a moment or scene, in your head, mentally groping for the proper, unique words, and your description goes off the rails until you have a contender for the Bulwer-Lytton Awards on your hands. Then, if you're like me, you actually try to turn it into such a sentence and make it as dumb as possible. A couple of examples that have spun out of my brain lately:

- Dale "Gruff" MacCleod knew a storm was coming, not only from the red hue of the clouds in the sunrise over the bay, or his sixty years of sailing experience, but because he had checked the weather report on his iPhone this morning before leaving the cabin.

- The sun's rays spilled over the windowsill, illuminating the bed and the sleeping couple, who lay still and peaceful, Rachel's arm outstretched and her knuckles resting upon Jacob's cheek, as if she had been frozen at the precise moment of punching him in the face.

(Neither of these are real story moments I planned to use. I don't know where exactly they originated, but that's where they ended up. I conclude that you shouldn't start a story with sunrises.)

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( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
abrynne
Aug. 27th, 2009 03:03 pm (UTC)
lol It's so true, and happens more often than I'd like. I think that's partly why I've actually stuck to writing more comedic things than dramatic.

I think you should claim the use of that second one though. It made me giggle...sans the sunrise of course. :D

Edited at 2009-08-27 03:04 pm (UTC)
mollyringle
Aug. 27th, 2009 11:35 pm (UTC)
Hee. Yeah, I tend to alternate between "serious" and comedic material when I write, probably because I can't stay un-absurd for long. Must have been Wodehouse's problem too. :)
notemily
Aug. 27th, 2009 10:40 pm (UTC)
those sentences = awesome.
mollyringle
Aug. 27th, 2009 11:35 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I guess. :D
gavinworld
Aug. 28th, 2009 12:19 am (UTC)
It doesn't happen to me, but only because I don't write fiction.
naill_renfro
Aug. 28th, 2009 04:51 am (UTC)
[laughing] Can't decide which is funnier...
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )