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Diary o' Sam

Don't know why I'm still doing this, but...



The Very Secret Diary of Samwise Gamgee, part 2

Day Twenty-Five:

Having lovely time camping in Emyn Muil and spooning under stars with Mr. Frodo. Though spooning was cut short last night when he elbowed me in stomach during nightmare.

Also he keeps yelling "Gandalf" in his sleep. Suspected poncy wizard was pervy hobbit fancier, but in my young innocence didn't think he'd actually try anything. Must have been wrong.

Suppose it's too late to kill him.


Day Twenty-Six:

Nasty Gollum creature following us. Mr. Frodo whispered in my ear that we should catch him tonight by pretending to be asleep and vulnerable.

I said two hobbits making out would look rather vulnerable as well, but he did not seem to hear me. Ring has been distracting him a lot lately. Curse its evil ways.


Day Twenty-Seven:

Caught Gollum. Is v. noisy and smells too. But when he tried to strangle me Mr. Frodo jumped on us and threatened him with Sting. V. exciting! Humble young hobbit could not ask for master who is more loyal, courageous, dashing, or cuddly.

But also slightly nutters as he wants to keep Gollum with us. Don't like this idea one bit, no sir.


Day Twenty-Eight:

Gollum has led us into endless bog. Drenched poor Mr. Frodo in a nasty pond. Think he just wanted to get Mr. Frodo's shirt all wet and see-through, as clearly has crush on him. Luckily Mr. Frodo wears mithril vest underneath, so Gollum didn't get to see nipples like I did in Rivendell.

Not that I was looking.


Day Twenty-Nine:

Wonder if Ring is starting to get to me as well. Watching Mr. Frodo play with it while lying in bed makes me strangely warm and tingly.

But then I feel that way when he plays with Sting, too, so I guess it's all right.


Day Thirty:

It means someone really cares when they snarl at you and tell you you know nothing...right?

Right?


Day Thirty-One:

Gollum flung dead rabbits into Mr. Frodo's lap. Am v. annoyed. Not only because everyone else should stay away from Mr. Frodo's lap, but am angry with self for not thinking of romantic homemade rabbit dinner idea.

Gollum told me I look fat in this outfit. Not much I can do about that as it's my only outfit. Have started doing leg lifts when others aren't looking. Heard building muscle tone is healthiest way to slim down.


Day Thirty-Two:

Drat. Captured by wimpy brother of Boromir and not-so-wimpy men with arrows. Seething with anger to think what they must have done to Mr. Frodo while I was blindfolded. Heard him shouting something about spas. Wondered if this meant he wants me to give him bubble bath in forbidden pool.

Hmf. Just asked around. Turns out anyone entering pool gets shot. Stupid rule.

Would kill them all but am slightly outnumbered.


Day Thirty-Three:

Still stuck in sinister cave hideout. Told Mr. Frodo to forget his loyalest and specialest servant, and put on Ring and escape. He refused; perhaps he enjoys footrubs too much? Was about to kiss him out of extreme loyalty but Faramir came in and started trying to get into Mr. Frodo's shirt. I told him right off; Mr. Frodo clearly not interested as tried to claw through walls rather than endure flirtation.

Didn't quite work as planned. Getting blindfolded again. No time at all for leg lifts with this kind of intrusion.


Day Thirty-Four:

Mr. Frodo deeply affected by Ring. Tried to feed cracker to Nazgul by hand from top of tower in Osgiliath today, when everyone knows Nazgul should not be given people food, only their natural diet (i.e., blood of the innocent). Mr. Frodo got v. emotional when I stopped him. Roughhoused in the dirt a little bit. Feel closer to him than ever, which I suppose is natural after someone's put their knee on your throat.

Really must leave Osgiliath. As I told Mr. Frodo, "By rights we shouldn't even be here." Heard about ten million people yelling "Damn straight" after I said it. Do not know what that's about.


Day Thirty-Five:

Faramir let us go; hooray! Also gave us lovely yummy pineapple drink which makes me bizarrely unable to feel ground.

Mr. Frodo v. affectionate when tipsy. Gave me new pet name today – called me brave and said he couldn't do without me and said he'd like to teach me Forbidden Dance of the Elves sometime. Could be Legolas or the slutty Lothlorien lady showed him this? Don't know, but sounds promising, v. promising.

Hope it wasn't just pineapple drink talking.

Comments

( 29 comments — Leave a comment )
thereturnjeb
Jun. 8th, 2003 10:33 pm (UTC)
Hehe, I don't normally comment in your journal, however, I did enjoy this very much. Congrats on your paper from earlier, by the way!

-Michie
mollyringle
Jun. 9th, 2003 12:04 pm (UTC)
Thank you! Yes, it's good to have the thesis done, but I do still have a couple nagging little final papers to finish up...all in good time...
celtic4
Jun. 8th, 2003 10:53 pm (UTC)
Really must leave Osgiliath. As I told Mr. Frodo, "By rights we shouldn't even be here." Heard about ten million people yelling "Damn straight" after I said it. Do not know what that's about.
*dies laughing*
Best. Line. Ever. ^____^

You rock, as always!
mira_fastfire
Jun. 8th, 2003 10:53 pm (UTC)
Not that I was looking.
Oh, WONDERFUL! *snickersnicker*

It means someone really cares when they snarl at you and tell you you know nothing...right?
Nice touch! Poor Sam :'(

All in all, v. wonderful!! :D
(Anonymous)
Jun. 9th, 2003 12:28 am (UTC)
another work of genius
Am v. annoyed. Not only because everyone else should stay away from Mr. Frodo's lap, but am angry with self for not thinking of romantic homemade rabbit dinner idea.

Awww Sam getting jealous about Frodo's lap... how wonderful.

As I told Mr. Frodo, "By rights we shouldn't even be here." Heard about ten million people yelling "Damn straight" after I said it. Do not know what that's about.

Absolutely brilliant! That's a classic. Keep up with these very secret diaries, since our dear Cassie Claire doesn't seem to be very productive regarding new VSDs. You're a genius, Molly.
mollyringle
Jun. 9th, 2003 12:05 pm (UTC)
Re: another work of genius
"Genius"...pshaw.

Still, you know, flattery will get you everywhere...

:)
silverowlwings
Jun. 9th, 2003 03:18 am (UTC)
Really must leave Osgiliath. As I told Mr. Frodo, "By rights we shouldn't even be here." Heard about ten million people yelling "Damn straight" after I said it. Do not know what that's about.

YES.



mollyringle
Jun. 9th, 2003 12:06 pm (UTC)
Heheh. Probably more than ten million if we wanted to be accurate.

Btw, that's an adorable icon. Very Harry Potter. (I mean that in a good way.) :)
scaryemilie
Jun. 9th, 2003 03:56 am (UTC)
I said two hobbits making out would look rather vulnerable as well, but he did not seem to hear me. Ring has been distracting him a lot lately. Curse its evil ways.

hehehehe! :D well done on these diaries! they're really excellent :)
poopsmoothie
Jun. 9th, 2003 04:44 am (UTC)
I concur wit those above, the Osigilath line is extra cute with cute on the side.
(Deleted comment)
jewelsong
Jun. 9th, 2003 06:04 am (UTC)
Brilliant!
said he'd like to teach me Forbidden Dance of the Elves sometime

ROTFLMAO!!!
starfishchick
Jun. 9th, 2003 07:42 am (UTC)
Bwah! Homemade romantic dinners, 'damn straight', etc., too funny.
shebit
Jun. 9th, 2003 08:17 am (UTC)
Love it all, especially the "Damn straight!"

But then I feel that way when he plays with Sting, too

Is that meant to be dirty or have I just read your 'All Slash All the Time' once too often?

Don't stop! Need more VSD's!
cenire
Jun. 9th, 2003 11:50 am (UTC)
Mwahahaha. I was wondering about that too... it has a *name*? ;D
mollyringle
Jun. 9th, 2003 12:09 pm (UTC)
:D You guys are funny.

I meant the literal Sting, technically, but am not averse to connotations. Though if Sam were to see this *other* thing happen, I imagine he'd feel rather more than warm and tingly. He could quite possibly pass out.
cenire
Jun. 9th, 2003 12:27 pm (UTC)
*giggles* Well, he might try to make the "other Sting" tingle too...

Must get my mind out of gutter!
mollyringle
Jun. 9th, 2003 12:08 pm (UTC)
Heheh...well, it did cross my mind once it was written down, though I didn't quite mean it that way.
shebit
Jun. 9th, 2003 05:53 pm (UTC)
My mind doesn't want to get out of the gutter - it's comfortable there, with occasional warm and tingle feelings.
scendan
Jun. 9th, 2003 11:38 am (UTC)
Mr. Frodo deeply affected by Ring. Tried to feed cracker to Nazgul by hand from top of tower in Osgiliath today, when everyone knows Nazgul should not be given people food, only their natural diet

----

Ok, that one just sent me into a fit of giggles in my office. Thank goodness my office-mate is not here today. That image just tickled me pink. Wonderful job on the diary! Thanks for carrying the torch!!!!
cenire
Jun. 9th, 2003 11:49 am (UTC)
Ahahahaha.

I love the "by rights we shouldn't even be here" quip, and the nipples line, and the vulnerable hobbits making out... ;)

Wonderful!
ofthedevilwater
Jun. 9th, 2003 12:12 pm (UTC)
*bites knuckle* Oh, poor Sam. Angsty. *purrs*
yukonqueen
Jun. 9th, 2003 03:28 pm (UTC)
I applaud you, madam.

*bows*

Well done. Very well done indeed.
timberwolfoz
Jun. 9th, 2003 05:56 pm (UTC)
*applauds*
I said two hobbits making out would look rather vulnerable as well, but he did not seem to hear me.

Oh, we wish!

More! More! (Any time you feel the urge. ;) )
semielliptical
Jun. 9th, 2003 06:42 pm (UTC)
another 'Damn straight' for the 'Damn straight' line
Mr. Frodo clearly not interested as tried to claw through walls rather than endure flirtation.

Yes, that's what it looked like! The whole thing is quite amusing, thanks for the laughs!
lordreaibn
Jun. 10th, 2003 12:01 pm (UTC)
I was definately one of the ten million.... hilarious! :D
shacklefree
Jun. 10th, 2003 06:56 pm (UTC)
he'd like to teach me Forbidden Dance of the Elves sometime. Could be Legolas or the slutty Lothlorien lady showed him this?

Oh god! This entire thing is brilliant. I'm glad I'm alone in this house; anyone listening to me collapse in hysterics over this would have locked me up.
gimlilvr22
Jun. 11th, 2003 04:53 pm (UTC)
LMAO!
Really must leave Osgiliath. As I told Mr. Frodo, "By rights we shouldn't even be here." Heard about ten million people yelling "Damn straight" after I said it. Do not know what that's about.

DAMN YOU'RE GOOD! (I'll just tell you one thing- I was definitely one of those ten million, probably yelled loud enough for 5 million.) :P
tocomfortyou
Jun. 16th, 2003 02:00 am (UTC)
*jumps on bandwagon*

As I told Mr. Frodo, "By rights we shouldn't even be here." Heard about ten million people yelling "Damn straight" after I said it. Do not know what that's about.


*falls off bandwagon, laughing*
( 29 comments — Leave a comment )

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