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Frodo's diary...

Poor Frodo. The things I put him through.



The Very Secret Diary of Frodo Baggins, Part 2

Done, as always, as a tribute to cassieclaire and with no claims upon the Tolkien characters.

Day 37:

Woke up today with Sam wrapped around me, keeping me warm. Such a considerate lad. Where would I be without him?

Just FYI, lembas is quite dull when you don't have any chocolate spread for it. Told Sam I'd give anything to lick up just one little blob of Nutella. He suddenly started choking on his food. Not sure if something went down the wrong tube or what exactly. Anyway, he's fine now.


Day 38:

Think Gollum is following us. Will try to catch him by doing old fake-sleep gag tonight. Sam said hobbits making out would look vulnerable as well, but that's clearly moot point as there are no hobbit lasses here for us to make out with. Don't know where that boy's head is sometimes.


Day 40:

Have picked up Gollum and entered Dead Marshes. Ring's power is growing stronger. Had strangest notion today that flying Nazgul was cute, and wanted to feed it lembas. Luckily Sam dragged me under bush before I could try it. And yesterday I saw really hot Elven prince in water, and dove in after him. Imagine how silly I felt when he turned out to be ghostly mirage. Got soaked and covered with slime for nothing. *sulk*


Day 41:

Stroking Ring feels good. Really good. I'm sick, aren't I?

Gollum v. confusing. Said today, "Sooo pretty, soooo special" while staring at me. Told him yes, I knew Ring was pretty and special but he couldn't have it. He answered, "Oh...yes yes, Ring pretty too." Don't understand what he was talking about. Maybe this ivy-leaf brooch? Everyone covets it.


Day 42:

Think I said some mean things to Sam. Not sure. My mind wasn't really there – was having involved fantasy about taking bath with Ring and trailing it up and down bare flesh.

OK, I need therapy.


Day 46:

Have been holed up as captives of Faramir, Boromir's brother, for last few days. Am apparently world's worst liar, as he didn't buy my spa story for a second.

Tonight he offered to show me his "quality." Had no desire to see it, so tried to climb to skylight and escape. Didn't work. Getting put in handcuffs again.

Usually try to think the best of people, but what with handcuffing and blindfolding and showing of quality, think this Faramir is really quite the perv.

Though I suppose people who like to fondle Rings should not pass judgement.


Day 47:

Hallloooo from sunny beaches of Osgiliath! Haven't been this drunk since 33rd b-day. Men of Gondor sure mix stiff pina colada. Yum! Think I will put this small flowering shrub on my head. Yes. Much prettier now.

So like I said we're going to Mordor, me and Sam and Gollum. Feeling v. good. Everything spiffy. This is funnest neatest coolest quest ever! Yeah! Woooo!


Day 48:

Good lord my head hurts. Don't even remember writing that last entry. So that's where twigs in hair came from. Ugh. Sam said something about a dance I did too, but his servantly modesty seems to be holding him back from telling more. Mercy save me. Hope I didn't speak of Gimli's attractiveness.

Sam just offered to wash my hair and rub massage oil on my back, so I will go take him up on it. You know, if it were anyone else, I'd think they were hitting on me.

Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
cenire
Jun. 11th, 2003 06:47 pm (UTC)
>Tonight he offered to show me his "quality." Had no desire to see it, so tried to climb to skylight and escape. Didn't work. Getting put in handcuffs again.<

Oh, that made my stomach hurt.

And the ending... *giggles*

You're doing a great job with these. More, more!
grass_stained
Jun. 11th, 2003 07:11 pm (UTC)
My mind wasn't really there – was having involved fantasy about taking bath with Ring and trailing it up and down bare flesh.
V. frightening. And still hysterical. Great job.
jewelsong
Jun. 11th, 2003 07:20 pm (UTC)
Tonight he offered to show me his "quality." Had no desire to see it, so tried to climb to skylight and escape

*SNORT!*
justanotherjane
Jun. 11th, 2003 07:44 pm (UTC)
very funny, I fell out of my chair. ;)
(Anonymous)
Jun. 11th, 2003 09:08 pm (UTC)
ahh, brilliance again. and like everyone else seems to think, this line is another wonderful classic:

Tonight he offered to show me his "quality." Had no desire to see it, so tried to climb to skylight and escape. Didn't work. Getting put in handcuffs again.

i almost did some choking myself at this point - i was laughing so hard. encore!
scaryemilie
Jun. 12th, 2003 01:33 am (UTC)
Sam said hobbits making out would look vulnerable as well, but that's clearly moot point as there are no hobbit lasses here for us to make out with. Don't know where that boy's head is sometimes.

haaaa! *clutches stomach* :D
lordreaibn
Jun. 12th, 2003 05:18 am (UTC)
awesome! :D
oloriel
Jun. 12th, 2003 05:49 am (UTC)
*giggles hysterically*
That's just brilliant. I absolutely loved it. Especially the Ring parts. Scary, but extremely funny just the same.
*cough*
xenedra
Jun. 12th, 2003 09:50 am (UTC)
Oh God, The "quality" line and that "licking up a blob of nutella" made the pop I was drinking go through my nose.

Thanks alot!
mollyringle
Jun. 12th, 2003 10:15 am (UTC)
Hee. Sorry about that.

The "quality" line is proving a lot more popular than I anticipated. Surely I wasn't the only one who thought Faramir's original line ("chance to show his quality") sounded just slightly pervy...
ofthedevilwater
Jun. 12th, 2003 11:48 am (UTC)
Woke up today with Sam wrapped around me, keeping me warm. Such a considerate lad. Where would I be without him?

It's what you could do with him that we're interested in...

Blob of Nutella...XD
mollyringle
Jun. 12th, 2003 06:52 pm (UTC)
Couldn't have said it better myself... ;)
(Anonymous)
Jun. 12th, 2003 01:09 pm (UTC)
'Gollum v. confusing. Said today, "Sooo pretty, soooo special" while staring at me. Told him yes, I knew Ring was pretty and special but he couldn't have it. He answered, "Oh...yes yes, Ring pretty too." Don't understand what he was talking about. Maybe this ivy-leaf brooch? Everyone covets it.'

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! This is great!! I can't wait for part 3! Not to mention the Return of the King parody! You're so great at this. I love you!!!!
shebit
Jun. 12th, 2003 04:08 pm (UTC)
Loved the blob of Nutella, and pervy Faramir, of course.

More, more!
gimlilvr22
Jun. 12th, 2003 05:57 pm (UTC)
"Quality"
Tonight he offered to show me his "quality." Had no desire to see it, so tried to climb to skylight and escape. Didn't work. Getting put in handcuffs again.

BLOODY BRILLIANT!! Dude, you are my role model. *cling*
gimlilvr22
Jun. 12th, 2003 06:02 pm (UTC)
You know, I seriously think you should charge people to read your parodies and everything. I would sooner jump off a cliff than miss your next installment of a VSD and/or your RotK parody! (Which, may I say, is highly anticipated by anyone who is familiar with your TTT parody.) By this time next year, you are destined to be a household name.
mollyringle
Jun. 13th, 2003 01:35 pm (UTC)
Heh, well I don't know about all that, but you're very flattering. :)

I have this fear that ROTK will just be too sad and too serious to do a parody on. But we'll see. I'll try.
(Anonymous)
Jun. 14th, 2003 04:31 am (UTC)
I wish I could hire a private cinema to see RotK in... as it stands, I'll be going to the first available screening, and I'll probably be bawling my eyes most of the whole way through. Then I'll probably be so blinded by tears at the end of it that I'll do something like trip and fall over and break my neck and make even more of a scene. Oh well, I won't feel the pain, I'll be to overwhelmed by RotK.

Given my response to finishing reading RotK (languishing for three days straight and temporarily becoming a hermit, heh) it will be interesting to see what my response to the end of the movie will be. I can't wait.
yukonqueen
Jun. 14th, 2003 09:16 am (UTC)
*dies*

I can just imagine Frodo singing "If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain..."

Mmmmm....

Nutella....

*walks off to kitchen*
tocomfortyou
Jun. 16th, 2003 01:55 am (UTC)
I have to go find a napkin or something, I just spit juice all over the monitor....

Had strangest notion today that flying Nazgul was cute, and wanted to feed it lembas.
Pfffffffffffttttttaaaaaaaaaaa!
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

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