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Star Wars as written by P.G. Wodehouse

Playing off the previous entry, and because I'm a dork...
A scene from Star Wars, as acted by Jeeves and Wooster:

LUKE: Threeps, pack my cases! We're going with old Benifold Kenobi to Alderaan.

3P0: Alderaan, sir? Are you quite sure?

LUKE: Yes, can't hang about here, I'm afraid. Dear old Auntie Beru and Uncle Owen have finally shuffled off this mortal coil, as you know. If I stay, I'm dreadfully sure Lady Starleaper will be nosing about and trying to marry me off to her daughter Honoria--they're after my inheritance. Hoping some rich suitor will ignore the girl's bitter tongue and only notice her blue eyes, or some such rot.

3P0: Ahem. Indeed, sir. It would be a most unsuitable match. But don't you find Alderaan a bit far to run?

LUKE: Not at all. Should be lovely this time of year. Old Ben knows his way, and Hanfred Solo-Fitzwopper can give us a lift in his ship. Supposed to be devilish fast!

3P0: (sigh) Very well, sir, if you are quite determined.

LUKE: What, now, Threeps--I get the feeling you don't want to go!

3P0: I confess I am not at all fond of space travel, sir.

LUKE: Well, you shall just have to suck it up, as they say, for I am indeed quite determined. Determined to get some R and R, that is--oh, and pack my lightsaber, would you?

3P0: Your lightsaber? Do you anticipate fighting a duel, sir?

LUKE: (winking) One never knows, Threeps! One never knows. I hear there's a princess who needs rescuing, and I fancy myself just the fellow to do it!

3P0: Oh dear...

LUKE: Better match than Honoria Starleaper, what?

3P0: Ahem. I'm not entirely sure of that, sir.

LUKE: Why not? Threeps, you know something! I can tell you do. Spill it!

3P0: Forgive me, sir, it's only that Mr. Solo-Fitzwopper may have, shall we say, a "prior claim" there.

LUKE: Solo-Fitzwopper and the princess? Oh, Threeps, now you're just pulling my leg. Scruffy bloke like him--don't get me wrong; I like the man well enough--but him, with a girl of royalty? Really, you are too much.

3P0: If you say so, sir.



( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 13th, 2005 02:12 pm (UTC)

Thanks for this!

(And I wouldn't mind seeing more.)
Apr. 13th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC)
Hee hee. I'm not sure how far it could logically be taken, but thank you all the same!
Apr. 13th, 2005 02:20 pm (UTC)
Interestingly, 3P0's dialogue above is not appreciably different from his dialogue in the actual movies.
Apr. 13th, 2005 03:41 pm (UTC)
I noticed that too, though I was imagining Stephen Fry's voice when writing it. Clearly they modeled 3P0 after an Edwardian English butler.
Apr. 13th, 2005 02:26 pm (UTC)
Now these DVDs I would buy.
Apr. 13th, 2005 03:42 pm (UTC)
...Unless maybe Lucas was allowed to edit them? ;)
Apr. 13th, 2005 03:14 pm (UTC)

Definitely a better rewrite than most.

I want the "Threeps and Luke" special edition!
Apr. 13th, 2005 03:42 pm (UTC)
LOL at your icon!

"Threeps and Luke"...that does have a good ring to it.
Apr. 13th, 2005 03:35 pm (UTC)

I wonder if Wodehouse is getting royalties from a certain meta-search-engine.
Apr. 13th, 2005 04:34 pm (UTC)
This is a special kind of brilliant.

Funniest thing I've read in a long, long time.
Apr. 16th, 2005 10:16 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm not sure there are many people equipped to get it, since Wodehouse is not as widely known as he should be. This is my way of spreading the word.
Apr. 13th, 2005 09:32 pm (UTC)
Oh, too perfect. Good show!
Apr. 13th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )