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Star Wars as written by P.G. Wodehouse

Playing off the previous entry, and because I'm a dork...
A scene from Star Wars, as acted by Jeeves and Wooster:

LUKE: Threeps, pack my cases! We're going with old Benifold Kenobi to Alderaan.

3P0: Alderaan, sir? Are you quite sure?

LUKE: Yes, can't hang about here, I'm afraid. Dear old Auntie Beru and Uncle Owen have finally shuffled off this mortal coil, as you know. If I stay, I'm dreadfully sure Lady Starleaper will be nosing about and trying to marry me off to her daughter Honoria--they're after my inheritance. Hoping some rich suitor will ignore the girl's bitter tongue and only notice her blue eyes, or some such rot.

3P0: Ahem. Indeed, sir. It would be a most unsuitable match. But don't you find Alderaan a bit far to run?

LUKE: Not at all. Should be lovely this time of year. Old Ben knows his way, and Hanfred Solo-Fitzwopper can give us a lift in his ship. Supposed to be devilish fast!

3P0: (sigh) Very well, sir, if you are quite determined.

LUKE: What, now, Threeps--I get the feeling you don't want to go!

3P0: I confess I am not at all fond of space travel, sir.

LUKE: Well, you shall just have to suck it up, as they say, for I am indeed quite determined. Determined to get some R and R, that is--oh, and pack my lightsaber, would you?

3P0: Your lightsaber? Do you anticipate fighting a duel, sir?

LUKE: (winking) One never knows, Threeps! One never knows. I hear there's a princess who needs rescuing, and I fancy myself just the fellow to do it!

3P0: Oh dear...

LUKE: Better match than Honoria Starleaper, what?

3P0: Ahem. I'm not entirely sure of that, sir.

LUKE: Why not? Threeps, you know something! I can tell you do. Spill it!

3P0: Forgive me, sir, it's only that Mr. Solo-Fitzwopper may have, shall we say, a "prior claim" there.

LUKE: Solo-Fitzwopper and the princess? Oh, Threeps, now you're just pulling my leg. Scruffy bloke like him--don't get me wrong; I like the man well enough--but him, with a girl of royalty? Really, you are too much.

3P0: If you say so, sir.



Apr. 13th, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)