Your assignment is to choose a side on today's topic and defend it belligerently and obnoxiously. You should also rip apart your opponents with as much rancor and condescension as you can manage. Use absurd and rude personal attacks whenever possible. Ready? Okay.
Your topic: manual vs. automatic transmission in automobiles.
Example arguments to get you started:
The stickshift is just for annoying motor-elitists and NASCAR-wanna-be trash.
Oh yeah? Well, automatic transmission is for old ladies and young idiots who can't even work the windshield wipers properly and thus shouldn't be allowed to drive at all.
Now you try.