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Flame War: Automobile Transmission

It's Flame War Wednesday! Let's make some comedy.

Your assignment is to choose a side on today's topic and defend it belligerently and obnoxiously. You should also rip apart your opponents with as much rancor and condescension as you can manage. Use absurd and rude personal attacks whenever possible. Ready? Okay.

Your topic: manual vs. automatic transmission in automobiles.

Example arguments to get you started:

The stickshift is just for annoying motor-elitists and NASCAR-wanna-be trash.
Oh yeah? Well, automatic transmission is for old ladies and young idiots who can't even work the windshield wipers properly and thus shouldn't be allowed to drive at all.

Now you try.



( 45 comments — Leave a comment )
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Apr. 23rd, 2008 10:02 pm (UTC)
If you use a stick, you don't love America.

Apr. 24th, 2008 01:30 am (UTC)
Are our boys in Iraq driving automatics?

(no subject) - losile - Apr. 24th, 2008 02:25 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - travels_in_time - Apr. 24th, 2008 02:31 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mollyringle - Apr. 24th, 2008 02:56 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - losile - Apr. 24th, 2008 03:13 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 23rd, 2008 10:05 pm (UTC)
*Auto*matic transmission makes perfect sense since I am driving an *auto*mobile.

Why would I want a *manual*mobile? You might as well stick your feet out the bottom and jog like the Flintstones.
Apr. 23rd, 2008 10:10 pm (UTC)
How can I properly express my control freak tendencies without a manual transmission to obsess over? How can I burn rubber without a clutch to pop? How else can I impress members of the opposite sex if I can't flaunt my emergency-brake-plus-clutch technique on San Francisco hills?

Stick shift forever!
Apr. 23rd, 2008 10:34 pm (UTC)
Using a manual transmission enables you, as a woman, to gain power over the male patriarchy by having a firm hold on the phallic symbol of masculine power, ie. the stick shift.
By using an automatic, you are therefore betraying feminism and everything your grandmothers fought for!
Apr. 23rd, 2008 10:53 pm (UTC)
Actually, by using manual transmission you are propogating the patriarchal hierarchy that insists all power stems from the phallus and the only way a woman can appropriate this male-reserved source of power is through an obviously inadequate substitute (as per Freud's penis-envy theory).

Drive automatic and reject the phallocentric automobile.
(no subject) - kirstenfleur - Apr. 24th, 2008 12:35 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - bluedragon716 - Apr. 24th, 2008 12:50 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mollyringle - Apr. 24th, 2008 03:02 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - laleonaenojada - Apr. 24th, 2008 03:51 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 23rd, 2008 11:20 pm (UTC)
Automatic transmissions are for sissies. Only people who find no enjoyment in the driving experience use automatic transmissions.

Also: bluedragon716: awesome icon
Apr. 23rd, 2008 11:43 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I thought Bowie was a good choice for a comment about masculine power and patriarchy.
Apr. 23rd, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
What is there to debate? The only people who drive sticks are pathetic middle-aged hipsters trying to convince college girls that the equipment still works, and dried up, ball-busting, hatchet-faced harridans still angry about the failure of the ERA.
Apr. 24th, 2008 06:31 am (UTC)

Apr. 24th, 2008 01:00 am (UTC)
Real men and women drive stick; automatics are for wimps and sissies. When you drive an automatic, the car drives you, not the other way around.

On a more serious note, I have actual reasons why I always buy manual cars:
1) They're less expensive.
2) They're much more fun to drive (okay, that one's subjective).
3) They have better fuel economy.
4) If you're stuck in snow, you can "rock" them out by switching rapidly between first and reverse.
4) Manual transmissions are much less expensive to repair than automatic ones.

I've taught three people (including Greg) how to drive stick, and they were all still speaking to me afterwards.
Apr. 24th, 2008 01:27 am (UTC)
Real men and women drive stick; automatics are for wimps and sissies.

Do you often feel the need to assert your dominance over a lifeless heap of metal? Perhaps you're sublimating your rage over feelings of helplessness in another area of your life.
(no subject) - gavinworld - Apr. 28th, 2008 01:41 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - laleonaenojada - Apr. 24th, 2008 03:50 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mollyringle - Apr. 26th, 2008 10:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 24th, 2008 01:25 am (UTC)
Civilization's main goal has always been to tame man's surroundings, to give us control over our environment, to make mundane and necessary tasks easier. Just as we wouldn't go back to beating carpets with sticks or rubbing clothes over washboards, why would we choose a backwards, labor-intensive method of driving when an easier alternative is available?

Join the modern enlightened thinkers of the twenty-first century! Drive an automatic!

Apr. 24th, 2008 02:19 am (UTC)


God, I... I've felt the illicit little rush that comes even when you just *pretend* to be an Internet dickhedd. I may never be the same again.
(no subject) - travels_in_time - Apr. 24th, 2008 02:32 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mollyringle - Apr. 24th, 2008 02:58 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 24th, 2008 09:48 am (UTC)
While I am a good driver, I really don't enjoy it that much. So the idea of participating more in the event is just silly to me. I'm an automatic girl and proud of it! Why would I want to do more work?
Apr. 24th, 2008 11:49 am (UTC)
Driving an automatic isn't 'driving', it's 'steering'.

Sorry, that wasn't very fierce, was it?
Apr. 24th, 2008 03:15 pm (UTC)
aww, I am sad that I missed this post. :-(

Apr. 24th, 2008 04:55 pm (UTC)
Hee. I love you.

And as usual, I'm on the fence: I like the new manu-matic trannies they're putting in Hyundais, now.
Apr. 24th, 2008 06:51 pm (UTC)
Fence-sitting is what made America the mess it is today!

Pick a side, you wibbly flip-flopper!

Haven't you ever heard the cliche "You want to have your cake and eat it too?"

Much like bi-sexuality leading to twice the potential for rejection, manu-matic trannies lead to twice the expense to fix them!
(no subject) - kalquessa - Apr. 24th, 2008 06:53 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pokeystar - Apr. 24th, 2008 08:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
Professional Help Needed Here... - thomas_a_kempis - Apr. 25th, 2008 05:25 am (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 24th, 2008 07:24 pm (UTC)
People who drive automatics cause traffic jams.

No, seriously. With a manual, you can slow down a little without braking using engine compression when you take your foot off the gas. With an automatic, you have to use the brakes to achieve the same effect. When people see brake lights ahead of them, they slow down by reflex, usually a little bit more than the car ahead. In congested traffic, one person driving an automatic who touches the brake just to slow down a little will create a cascade effect resulting in stop-and-go traffic a mile or two behind.
Apr. 24th, 2008 08:32 pm (UTC)
Are you high on gas fumes?

I drive an automatic. When I take my foot off the gas, I slow down. It's called physics, look it up.
(no subject) - kenshi - Apr. 24th, 2008 08:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pokeystar - Apr. 24th, 2008 08:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kenshi - Apr. 24th, 2008 08:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - pokeystar - Apr. 24th, 2008 08:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
Apr. 25th, 2008 01:41 am (UTC)
Christ on a bike, Jesus drives a manual!
Apr. 26th, 2008 10:47 pm (UTC)
I was going to make a joke using the phrase "What Would Jesus Drive?", only to discover it's an actual website.

Apr. 25th, 2008 05:17 am (UTC)
Yep, That Stirred 'Em Up
You understand people; I hope you are able to sleep well at night anyway :)

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