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Condensed parody version

Yes! I saw The Two Towers. And yes! I loved it.

But before I write a "real" review--assuming I ever do; I mean, don't you guys have enough of those on your friends lists right now?--I give you this, a parody version of the script. Condensed of course. And subject to being very wrong in terms of chronology, since I've only seen the movie once so far.

Spoilers on EVERYTHING, and lots of lame slash-implication jokes. Read on if you dareCollapse )

Comments

( 578 comments — Leave a comment )
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(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 12:49 pm (UTC)
Great stuff!!
I have to admit, I've been waiting for the parodies to start ... and this was awesome. Keep up the good work!

Maybe by the time ROTK comes around, they'll start listening to Legolas when he tells them they have to leave? :)
(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 12:56 pm (UTC)
Ha, that was GREAT!
GIMLI: Ugh, that's sickening. Ooh, Aragorn, watch out! Cliff!

ARAGORN falls off cliff.

LEGOLAS: No! This is unbearable! I almost had ANOTHER facial expression!

LOL! I loved it! Especially the 'people who have read the books' thing! ONe of the funniest LOTR things I ever read! ^_^
(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 02:16 pm (UTC)
Wow.
That was freaking awesome. The funniest thing I've read in a while, and I haven't even seen the first movie yet. But I will! Tonight! Promise! One of my favorites:

"SAM and FRODO tie up GOLLUM.
GOLLUM: No! Smeagol not into ropes, nassty kinky hobbitses.
FRODO: We just want you to take us to Mordor, you sicko.
GOLLUM: Mordor? Hobbitses having little Goth phase, maybe? Very angsssty, wanting to go to Mordor, yes yes. Can Smeagol offer black eyeliner to angsssty hobbitses?
SAM: You stop talking to Mr.--hmm. (to FRODO) You know, you wouldn't look half bad in eyeliner."

Bwah!
ayodele
Dec. 27th, 2002 03:10 pm (UTC)
roflmaopip!! this was priceless!!!
(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 04:15 pm (UTC)
Class!
GOLLUM: (mumble, mumble)...Kill...(mumble)...death to hobbits...(mumble mumble)...feed them to HER...(mumble, mumble)...pain, suffering...(mumble)...make them cry...(mumble)...kill hobbitses...(mumble) ...she will destroy hobbitses...

PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK: (loudly) "SHE"? Did he say "she", and "her"? Who's "SHE"?

PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: SHUT UP!

- Class! that's whatit's like. soo funnny i love this! me and my sis, as much as we love the movies, they r FAR too easy to make gay jokes too...love the black eye-line thing going on there!
(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 07:09 pm (UTC)
pure brillll :)
A friend told me about this--well done! Love Sam's eloquence and the three-way telepathy (poor Haldir :( I just saw the movie (loved it) and your parody nails it pretty well.

Thanks!
C
pinkrobelover
Dec. 27th, 2002 07:26 pm (UTC)
Wow!
That is one kick ass parody!!!!!! Specially the gayness of them all, and the "pats"...Hhahaahaa!!! Did you by chance write any moulin rouge ones??????
mollyringle
Dec. 28th, 2002 11:10 am (UTC)
Re: Wow!
(ooh, pretty icon.)

No, didn't write any Moulin Rouge ones, except the Oliphaunt Love Medley, which it looks like you already found. :)
twostepper
Dec. 27th, 2002 07:32 pm (UTC)
another comment from another person you don't know
GIMLI: What was that God-awful noise?

LEGOLAS: I'm guessing...wargs dying.

ARAGORN: Actually, it was Legolas's fangirl contingent, shrieking in delight at his horseback-riding tricks.


Hahahaha....so true!!!! I don't know if you've had this comment yet (and I'm guessing you have), but the entire audience had gaping mouths at that part (ohhhhhhh, ahhh, *droool*). Being Legolas fangirl that I am (why don't they make his character more like in the book though?), I was naturally almost orgasmically enthralled.
(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 08:05 pm (UTC)
Re: another comment from another person you don't know
LEGALOS IS SOOOOOOOOOO STUPID AND UGLY GET A LIFE!!!! HES A FREAK!!! IM GLAD THEY MADE GAY JOKES ABOUT HIM! HE DESERVES IT!!!!!
(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 07:40 pm (UTC)
Amazing
This was so perfect! congratulations on making tons of people laugh! the movie was actually pretty funny at some points (such as when gollum called sam a stupid fat hobbit and sang about the fish, etc.) but this was just over the top-written to perfection-hilarity that you need to send to...well, send it to somebody! lol. the goonies reference was PERFEECTTT and hilarious, GREAT JOB!!! ~Jess kerplunkrokker@hotmail.com
(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 08:01 pm (UTC)
hahaha
hystericall!! im one 2 hate lord of the rings, especially that elf guy, legolas i think it is, that they say is "so hot". UGH GIMMIE A BREAK. i needed some1 to make fun of them. awesome job!! THANX 4 THE REFRESHMENT!!!!!!!
fnf_anya
Dec. 27th, 2002 08:57 pm (UTC)
Let's add to the pile
You just put into words what was on all of our minds. We all loved it, but it had to be made fun of, it's a given.

ARAGORN: An army of flesh-eating trees to destroy the Orcs who are running away. <---It's funny 'cause it happens in the book! Yay for inside jokes!

I'm not sure if i'm the first one to point this out, but I enjoy the probably-not-intentional Sean Bean joke in this line:
FARAMIR: Ohh, like in a 'Lady Chatterley's Lover' kind of way?
Sean Bean=Boromir, brother of Faramir, Bean's been in the movie version of L.C.L.....if it was intentional, sorry for stating the obvious. Yay! You had a many-layered funny line!

Good job, keep writing. And let's hope for our one snow day in Oregon. WOOHOO!
mollyringle
Dec. 28th, 2002 11:38 am (UTC)
Re: Let's add to the pile
Hah--didn't intend that Bean/Lady Chatterley connection, actually. But now that you mention it, it does sound familiar, so perhaps I knew it subconsciously. :)
(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 10:03 pm (UTC)
Re: Pardoy...
Very funny, I enjoyed.

(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 10:06 pm (UTC)
Oh, by the way....
I used to have a live journal.. if I gave you my email address, think you might could give me a code for one ?
mollyringle
Dec. 28th, 2002 11:39 am (UTC)
Re: Oh, by the way....
I haven't got any codes; I'm not a paid member. Sorry...
But maybe if we leave this comment here long enough, someone else will volunteer one. :)
(Anonymous)
Dec. 27th, 2002 10:42 pm (UTC)
Someone posted a link at TOR.n
Very funny, especially the Sam/Frodo/Gollum parts.
My fave, "... make them cry..."
ROFL
mollyringle
Dec. 28th, 2002 11:40 am (UTC)
Re: Someone posted a link at TOR.n
I've made it to TOR.n? Sah-weet!

(*finds message on the TOR.n boards and reads comments happily*)
prettybird
Dec. 27th, 2002 11:14 pm (UTC)
FRODO: I'm Frodo. This is Sam.
FARAMIR: Your...image consultant?
SAM: His gardener.
FARAMIR: Ohh, like in a 'Lady Chatterley's Lover' kind of way?
SAM: Exactly.

*giggles*
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( 578 comments — Leave a comment )

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