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Condensed parody version

Yes! I saw The Two Towers. And yes! I loved it.

But before I write a "real" review--assuming I ever do; I mean, don't you guys have enough of those on your friends lists right now?--I give you this, a parody version of the script. Condensed of course. And subject to being very wrong in terms of chronology, since I've only seen the movie once so far.

Spoilers on EVERYTHING, and lots of lame slash-implication jokes. Read on if you dareCollapse )

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( 578 comments — Leave a comment )
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juxtapose_42
Jan. 2nd, 2003 12:10 am (UTC)
holy god, this is some of the funniest damn stuff I've ever read... *linkety-link*

^_^

- Jux
yampower
Jan. 2nd, 2003 12:58 am (UTC)
*hi-fives* I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I? Mwee.

And Lemonlye: You're brilliant. I'd say more, but I'm afraid it would come out "OMFG My FaVoRiTe part was when they had buttsex!!!!!1111111", which you've surely heard Way Too Many Times already.

But oops, I said it anyway. Yay!
(no subject) - mollyringle - Jan. 2nd, 2003 01:42 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Anonymous)
Jan. 2nd, 2003 01:04 am (UTC)
All of Legolas' "near-face-expressions," I loved that part ;)
madmackemgirl
Jan. 2nd, 2003 11:28 am (UTC)
Wow...very cool
permafrost
Jan. 2nd, 2003 05:22 pm (UTC)
sent here by Fark
hee hee very funny.
mistresspenguin
Jan. 2nd, 2003 11:00 pm (UTC)
wow, that was freakin hysterical! i don't remember where i got the link to this but thanks!
lil1pinay
Jan. 3rd, 2003 01:27 am (UTC)
poor legolas..
gets more credit for his looks than for his acting..

EOWYN: Hal-lo, handsome!
ARAGORN: Hi. You handle pointy things very well.
EOWYN: Yes. My only fear is dying a virgin. Hint, hint.
ARAGORN: Okay! Well, let's move along.

hahaha.. loved it.. very inspired and sums the whole movie up perfectly!
megpie71
Jan. 3rd, 2003 01:33 am (UTC)
You've probably heard this before...
... but this is absolutely *wonderful*.

Favourite bits:

* FANGORN FOREST (next day)
GANDALF: Hey, kids. Miss me?
ARAGORN: Gandalf! You're alive!
LEGOLAS: I almost had a facial expression from the joy of it!

Legolas in particular. Yes, elves are beautiful, elegant, kind, serene and fair. But nowhere in canon does it mention "carved from teak". Mr Spock, yes. Elves? This is the race that ran about for the whole of the First and Second Ages killing their relatives and taking over the world. I think they can manage more expressions than "angst" and "more angst".

* EOWYN: Hal-lo, handsome!
ARAGORN: Hi. You handle pointy things very well.
EOWYN: Yes. My only fear is dying a virgin. Hint, hint.
ARAGORN: Okay! Well, let's move along.

Summarises the whole "fangirl"/Mary-Sue thing very nicely. Thanks for that.

* HELM'S DEEP

ARAGORN arrives and collides with LEGOLAS.
LEGOLAS: Oh, good HEAVENS. You look TERRIBLE. You are NOT wearing THAT to the battle tonight, are you? And your HAIR! What will we DO with you?
ARAGORN: Nice to see you, too.

The scruff field of Numenor strikes again! Did anyone else notice the hug that Aragorn gave Haldir, and the facial expression that Haldir carefully hid? The one which said something along the lines of "Will someone *please* get this thing off me? He smells worse than he did in Lothlorien, and that's saying something!"

I'm adding this page to my favourites, and I've linked to it from my own LJ. Thanks very much for this, it's an absolute hoot.

Meg
--
mollyringle
Jan. 3rd, 2003 02:52 pm (UTC)
Re: You've probably heard this before...
"Will someone *please* get this thing off me? He smells worse than he did in Lothlorien, and that's saying something!"

heheheh...that does sum up his reaction nicely, now that you mention it. :)

Thanks for the comments!
(Anonymous)
Jan. 3rd, 2003 10:52 am (UTC)
ARAGORN: Hmm. This must be a dream.

ARWEN: Why do you say that?

ARAGORN: Because you're not even supposed to be IN this book.

ARWEN: Don't be mean. I'll tell Daddy.

Ooooooooooooooohhhh!!!! Diss! It was amazingly funny!



(Anonymous)
Jan. 3rd, 2003 05:21 pm (UTC)
I LOVE THIS!
OMG I almost died laughing, especially:

ARAGORN: Gandalf! You're alive!

LEGOLAS: I almost had a facial expression from the joy of it!


Bwahahahha!!!

Kelly - li_luva_2000@yahoo.ca
(Anonymous)
Jan. 3rd, 2003 06:02 pm (UTC)
OMG THIS IS GREAT
i read the books then saw the movies i LOVE tolkien and this was the funniest thing ever! my gay friend has been saying there was something goin on with sam and frodo the whole time!! HA HA this was so great! i needed a good laugh tonight!
rdi
Jan. 3rd, 2003 08:13 pm (UTC)
Two words
totally fuckin; brilliant!
raevyndrael
Jan. 3rd, 2003 09:01 pm (UTC)
SAM: There are good things in the world. And that's what we're protecting. And up there, it's their time, but down here, it's OUR time...

I love that.

And it made me remember something, too. I had to double-check it.

If you have The Goonies on DVD, there's the audio commentary. During that scene, you hear Mikey do his "It's OUR time..." thing... and then modern day Corey Feldman goes "But in Lord of the Rings land... it's down here."

Heee.

Anyway... Brilliant, brilliant work. I needed the laugh and I got it. Thanks much.
(Anonymous)
Jan. 4th, 2003 10:43 am (UTC)
captain obvious?
yes, this is brilliant, blah blah blah etc., i've read it 3 times... but i wanted to just remark on the "captain obvious/exposition boy" comments way back at the beginning of these 10 pages...
i actually found this on something you (lemonlye) linked from your site, and thought it was hysterical: the best name for legolas is the "exposition fairy"!

ok, that's all, this is wonderful, hysterical, your oliphaunt love medley is perfect, and i'm going to shut up now...
joyful_storm
Jan. 4th, 2003 12:45 pm (UTC)
Suggested Postscript
"PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEEN THE MOVIE, READ THE BOOK *AND* THE PARODY: Hey, you really blew off Faramir's character!

LEMONLYE: That's okay, so did Peter Jackson."

Yeah, breaking the fourth wall, I know. But that was one of the most annoying parts of the movie!

Brilliant piece :) Had to keep from reading it until I saw the movie (finally did yesterday, Tolkien's 111st birthday, due to travel).

Bravo!
mollyringle
Jan. 5th, 2003 12:25 am (UTC)
Re: Suggested Postscript
Definitely a valid point. :) Poor ol' Faramir...

(And thanks for the comments!)
davien
Jan. 4th, 2003 03:02 pm (UTC)
dying laughing <---
OMG. thank you.
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( 578 comments — Leave a comment )

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