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Condensed parody version

Yes! I saw The Two Towers. And yes! I loved it.

But before I write a "real" review--assuming I ever do; I mean, don't you guys have enough of those on your friends lists right now?--I give you this, a parody version of the script. Condensed of course. And subject to being very wrong in terms of chronology, since I've only seen the movie once so far.

Spoilers on EVERYTHING, and lots of lame slash-implication jokes. Read on if you dareCollapse )


( 578 comments — Leave a comment )
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Feb. 8th, 2003 05:18 pm (UTC)
500th comment, right here!!
Feb. 9th, 2003 11:19 am (UTC)
*throws confetti*
Feb. 8th, 2003 08:27 pm (UTC)

I chortled, I chuckled, I giggled.

Poor Legolas. Fangirls and Captain Obvious Lines...
Feb. 8th, 2003 11:22 pm (UTC)
i loved it look at this my fave bit


GALADRIEL: Hello? Is this Elrond?

ELROND: Yes, speaking.

GALADRIEL: Hi Elrond; it's Galadriel.

ELROND: Hey, girl. Where are you?

GALADRIEL: In Lothlorien; where else would I be? Listen, I really wanted to talk to you about Frodo.

ELROND: Yeah, I've been wondering about him lately.

GALADRIEL: He and Aragorn have SO much stuff to do.

ELROND: I know! And Aragorn's being such a wiener, I'm not even sure I want him to marry my daughter...

GALADRIEL: Did you see his hair the other week? Hello, greaseball.

ELROND: And does he, like, only have that one shirt? Humans are so gross. Hang on; I'm getting another telepathy call.

GANDALF: Hello? Hello? Elrond?

GALADRIEL: Gandalf? Is that you?

ELROND: Gandalf! Hey buddy!

GANDALF: Do you have me on three-way telepathy calling? I hate that.

ELROND: Yeah, sorry. I was talking to Galadriel. Hey, didn't you die or something?

GANDALF: No, you twit. Now quit gossiping and listen. There's a war about to start at Helm's Deep.

GALADRIEL: Yeah, and?

GANDALF: And they need your help, moron.

GALADRIEL: (exaggerated sigh) Fine, whatever. I'll send Haldir or something. He's expendable.
Feb. 9th, 2003 12:52 am (UTC)
Johnjabberoo sez
You have a real talent going on here! This is danged good! I will tell everyone I know to come here and read this gem!
Feb. 11th, 2003 05:23 am (UTC)
I said goddamn that's funny!
Feb. 12th, 2003 05:41 pm (UTC)
This part is hilarious!!!^_^

FARAMIR: So, who are you, exactly?

FRODO: I'm Frodo. This is Sam.

FARAMIR: Your...image consultant?

SAM: His gardener.

FARAMIR: Ohh, like in a 'Lady Chatterley's Lover' kind of way?

SAM: Exactly.

FRODO: Righ—What??

I loved this part too^_^
SAM: The tortured look really does work for you. Very hot.

FRODO: Aww, thanks. You deserve a special shoulder-squeeze for that.

SAM: Did you learn that move from Aragorn?

FRODO: Yeah. You like it?...

The whole think is soooooo funny!!!!!
Feb. 16th, 2003 03:44 pm (UTC)
EOWYN: Hal-lo, handsome!

ARAGORN: Hi. You handle pointy things very well.

-You make me laugh! Keep up the Good work! That was utterly hillarious! I personally am a huge fan of LOTR, and thought I would be insulted when my friend told me about this, but sheesh! You know how to take a serious movie and make it a comedy! Right on! I expect to see a review on The Return of the King, too! *WINK-WINK*
Feb. 17th, 2003 07:37 am (UTC)
best LJ post i ever read :-)
Feb. 17th, 2003 10:48 am (UTC)
This is absolutely hilarious. Bravo!

Feb. 19th, 2003 01:36 am (UTC)

This is hilarious

Btw, is it me, or does Aragorn come out as really wimpy in the entire plot?

As a die-hard fan of JRR, I really don't think I will see the movie.

Thanks !! You made my day !!
Feb. 19th, 2003 10:49 am (UTC)
Damn funny
The movie comments extend to the book as well.

The company of nine, now eight after Moria, are in the Lothlorien.
They have an audience after several days...

Galadriel: Elrond said there were nine of you but I see only eight.

Aragorn: Oh yeah, the Balrog got Gandalf. Sorry I didn't mention it sooner.

Feb. 19th, 2003 11:35 am (UTC)
Did you know you made today's Userfriendly Link of the Day? (Which is probably going to CRASH LJ's free servers. *giggle*)

Go you!!
Feb. 19th, 2003 11:49 am (UTC)
There, I've added the link back to UF.org, with their nice little banner.

Hee... hope it doesn't cause LJ too much trouble.
Feb. 20th, 2003 12:50 pm (UTC)
The funniest thing I have seen in a long, long time. You Rock!
Feb. 21st, 2003 08:00 am (UTC)
my hat's off to you...

Feb. 21st, 2003 12:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
YOu are now my personal hero.
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