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Condensed parody version

Yes! I saw The Two Towers. And yes! I loved it.

But before I write a "real" review--assuming I ever do; I mean, don't you guys have enough of those on your friends lists right now?--I give you this, a parody version of the script. Condensed of course. And subject to being very wrong in terms of chronology, since I've only seen the movie once so far.

Spoilers on EVERYTHING, and lots of lame slash-implication jokes. Read on if you dareCollapse )

Comments

( 578 comments — Leave a comment )
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mmepompadour
Dec. 23rd, 2002 01:45 pm (UTC)
Bwah ha!

Found this through your comment in Cassandra Claire's new Secret Diary. This is extremely amusing. Extremely. You deserve the comparison to her parodies.
mollyringle
Dec. 24th, 2002 12:02 am (UTC)
V. v. kind of you. Thanks. :)
ofthedevilwater
Dec. 23rd, 2002 02:10 pm (UTC)
TREEBEARD: What the bloody... ENTS! ATTACK!

All I could think of when I read that line were a thousand Ents yelling the Xena war cry with the "Batman" theme playing in the background. You rule!
(Anonymous)
Dec. 23rd, 2002 04:50 pm (UTC)
CBB!!! *glomps him*
HOYA CBB! ^_^ That was funny! *glomps him again* I got a Seeing-Eye Elf. I named her Coley, after Coley Blair. GO BA-735!!!
(Anonymous)
Dec. 23rd, 2002 03:18 pm (UTC)
FiliKlepto Leaves a Comment
I found your parody through a link on Cassie's LJ comments. While I can see big differences in your style from hers, I think you are quite funny. Actually, you remind me more of Harry Potter Puppet Theatre (http://www.jerrythefrogproductions.com/MovieTheatre.html). (I know it's a different fandom, but the styles _really_ match.) Especially the part where you wrote...

ROHIRRIM GUARD: Oh! Elves! Wow, I didn't expect that.
PEOPLE WHO READ THE BOOK: Neither did I...


I adored the Sam and Gollum "cookoff" scene. And then Frodo says Hey, you guys, look! It's Martha Stewart! *dies*

As an ending note to your riotous (not righteous, lmao) humor, I just want to say...

PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK: (loudly) "SHE"? Did he say "she", and "her"? Who's "SHE"?

PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: SHUT UP!
MWAHAHAHAHA
lionessfreedom
Dec. 23rd, 2002 04:43 pm (UTC)
ARAGORN: Whatever. Wake me up, would you? Since it's not really you licking my face, I have the awful suspicion it's a horse. Or maybe Gimli.

ROFL, go you!! This rules!
(Anonymous)
Dec. 23rd, 2002 04:45 pm (UTC)
Sent here by another insane person. ^_^
XD This is SO FUNNY!!! You bash the Arwench! YOU MUST READ THE PENCIL SHOW! http://hikaness.deep-ice.com/tps/index.html

^_^ Arwench bashing, Mary-Sue killing, being hyper. FUN!

Coley: And I'm a seeing-eye elf who's also a Haldir fangirl! *sobs* POOR HALDIR! AND ARAGORN GOT TO HUG YOU!!!

o.O Okay...I gotta go. Toodlepip! And never let your Chris Podima out of the basement...it could start up the Podima Wars again...*shudders at the thought*
(Anonymous)
Dec. 23rd, 2002 04:48 pm (UTC)
Sent here...ahh, same person as before.
Oh, I forgot. YOU HAVE ALMOST THE SAME NAME AS ME! I'm Lemonly. And this is my invisible friend George. *points to thin air*
annaneko
Dec. 23rd, 2002 07:27 pm (UTC)
GOLLUM: (mumble, mumble)...Kill...(mumble)...death to hobbits...(mumble mumble)...feed them to HER...(mumble, mumble)...pain, suffering...(mumble)...make them cry...(mumble)...kill hobbitses...(mumble) ...she will destroy hobbitses...
PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK: (loudly) "SHE"? Did he say "she", and "her"? Who's "SHE"?
PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOK: SHUT UP!


Anna yelling loudly at end of movie: Dammit!! there's no giant spider! [[yes, it happeend]]
magicpandadance
Dec. 23rd, 2002 07:30 pm (UTC)
You rock!
Sorry, one more notification! mwahahaa

Friend of a friend etc, sent it to other friends we all want to have your baby.

Cheers!
passage
Dec. 29th, 2002 09:56 am (UTC)
Re: You rock!
Err, perhaps I'm just opening a whole can of worms I really would rather not get into but ... you do realise mollyringle is female right?

So you're saying you want to kidnap any kids she has?!?!
Re: You rock! - mollyringle - Dec. 29th, 2002 10:58 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: You rock! - passage - Dec. 29th, 2002 11:52 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: You rock! - mollyringle - Dec. 29th, 2002 05:47 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: You rock! - magicpandadance - Dec. 30th, 2002 07:15 am (UTC) - Expand
wildendeavour
Dec. 23rd, 2002 07:37 pm (UTC)
Hi! Yay!
I loved this! Thanks for the laugh! Liked the captain obvious thing! Was so much fun to read! You should do one for the first movie! You are a great dialougue writer. Loff the parody!
sidecharacter
Dec. 23rd, 2002 07:56 pm (UTC)
I am greatly amused by this. ^_^ Will go see movie and laugh. BWAHAH!
corruptinnocent
Dec. 23rd, 2002 08:37 pm (UTC)
got another one for you
henneth annun:

"boromir was my brother."

frodo: "oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit."

just saw ttt again today and i have to say, i dont think it was legolas who was expressionless. he at least furrowed his brows. but what about faramir? i was diggin the blank look with the mouth hanging open the entire time.
kutinker
Dec. 23rd, 2002 08:48 pm (UTC)
oh my god... so funny!
GIMLI: What was that God-awful noise?

LEGOLAS: I'm guessing...wargs dying.

ARAGORN: Actually, it was Legolas's fangirl contingent, shrieking in delight at his horseback-riding tricks.

this is the funniest thing i've read in a long time!!! :-D you rock!!!
ibdwierd1
Dec. 23rd, 2002 08:55 pm (UTC)
WOW...I'm totally laughin' my ass off here. That was perfect! (not being sarcastic...I mean it). You forgot the talk between Smealgol and Gollum, though...that was a good part! ;)
(Anonymous)
Dec. 23rd, 2002 09:28 pm (UTC)
yay!
wandered here from Secret Diaries link. Have been confusing my friend with it. Very good and much applause. Never noticed the obvious thing about L., but am probably too busy drooling. My only question (a rather random one which has nothing to do with your summary) what was with the torch maidens and Arwen? Is she going West? I guess I can hope. - MelfinatheBlue (psychogenius@poetic.com)
gryffinrose
Dec. 23rd, 2002 10:04 pm (UTC)
*rollin on the floor* I was referred from tonic_x. VERY funny!!! XD Thanks for sharing it with us!! My favorite parts??

PEOPLE WHO HAVE READ THE BOOKS: We didn't expect that either . . .

~Rose~
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( 578 comments — Leave a comment )

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