January 2nd, 2006

Froud - bad faeries

My little sister does Edinburgh

My sister Peggy - I say "little," but she's 28 - is currently visiting Scotland, and sending back delightful email accounts of how she and husband Justin are spending their time there. These are making me happy, as they remind me of my own time over there, but without all the hassle of having to get on a plane and stay in a hotel and deal with British rail passes and stuff.

Anyway, since the emails are funny, and they deal with one of you (*cough* bluesound *cough*), I shall excerpt some good bits here:


It's cold- about like it was the week before christmas-- about 30 F. Very nice people so far- but maybe that's cuz I'm near high with sleep deprivation- but everyone is kind, and well dressed with no gloves or hats-- what's with that?

We had a lovely dinner last night, and asked the girls at the table next to us about haggis and neeps. one said Oh yeh, try haggis! the other quickly shook her head and said Ach! nooo... On the menus we're seeing "Haggis, Neeps and Tatties" like you'd see a BLT-- and neeps are turnips.

January 1st at 1:30 pm in holyrood palace gardens there is going to be dog sled races! They call it Dogmanay. [Mol's note for non-Brits: this is funny because the New Year celebration in Edinburgh is called "Hogmanay."] Free admission! Yes!

Dinner: went out- had haggis. Ok-- before you freak out- just seriously consider things like Taco Bell ground beef and Costco sausages before you truly judge the haggis. Imagine meatloaf without eggs to hold it together, so it's a bit more crumbly..... that's it. It's really like meatloaf. If you hate meatloaf, don't have haggis.

My sister Molly has known a guy over here, named Doug [bluesound], for about 10 years now. SO, we email for the last few months, and tonight we shall meet. Yey! His friend is in an alternative/punk/satyrical band playing that night at "Subway Cowgate" in Old Town. and we're walking... walking.. walking... and wonder where are we? It's kinda sketchy and scary-- cobblestone streets, streets overheard with arches underneath- a gleam of earlier rain making the amber streetlights reflect the creepy stairs and 4 story stoney buildings with pointy roofs- and not a sinlge person in sight. ...Remember that scene in Interview with a Vampire when they're in Paris, and they're under a stony arch and there's another vampire in a top hat walking upside down in the archway? Yeah- like that, minus the vampires and the film-noir accordian music. But I digress-- we finally find the place-- wow, talk about literal and figurative Underground scene. We walk in, find Doug (that was fun in itself, since neither of us knew what the other looked like), and we go to the bar to get drinks. And lo and behold... the shot-of-the-night on sale: Absinthe. Yes, the little chartreuse drink that brings of the possible Green Fairy (banned in the USA cuz of excessiveness causing hallucinations, I guess). It's smooth- like a good rum, doesn't burn too much, and for those of you who like black licorice or Good n' Plenty's, tastes just like that. Quite nice, actually. I saw no Green Fairies, altho the next day there was a Green Vice at my temples.

...when that was over, we went to a bar with Doug, his very nice girlfriend Jules, and the band. First place we go is about the size of the interior of my car, and our party was 12 people, so we left and started walking.. walking.. walking until we got somewhere else: Sleezy Cheezy's. (nice). We get there, and get drinks, and there was one guy, a friend of Doug's, who's accent is REALLY THICK-- and- no joke- he was drunk and talking to me for 25 frickin' minutes and I was making uh-huh, mmm, oh yeah, really? noises the whole time, having NO IDEA what we were talking about. I mean-- seriously- I think I heard the words Parliment, Russia, Olden, Oranges, Problem, Car, Drink, Meat, Dog, Paper, Job, and other things which really make no sense unless there's other things like verbs. So I was listening, nodding and drinking, and grabbing justin's shirt behind me and tugging frantically, panicked and desperate to have him get me out of the conversation. Doug saw it and pulled me out and said something like "How's your sister?" and then started laughing-- he said this was common.

...And we were about to leave and the doorman said we had to wait 5 minutes for The Show. ?? It was a burlesque kind of thing- 2 women dancing on chairs, with corset things and heavy chastity belts- looking indifferent and bored. Then they got out small grinding machines and held them against their chastity belts and sparks went flying everythwere, them still looking totally indifferent. And they did that, and that was basically the show. So as we left, the doorman, who I guess was also the owner, asked me, specifically, what I thought of the show. I said it wasn't my cup of tea. He said why not? I asked if he really wanted to know.. he said yes... (poor bastard didn't know what he was getting himself into)... So I launched into a 15 minute tirade about how it wasn't that these women were being objectified, cuz if you got it, flaunt it, but they looked so bored, and that the whole idea that they were somehow getting off from a grinding machine through metal was ridiculous, and only propogated the male fantasy that there has absolutely got to be pumping, penetration, and some grinding (literal, here) for women to enjoy themselves in sex. He said that there were "2 women- so it was actually lesbians". I went off on that as the biggest crock of ... well, you get the point .. and Justin was backing in the corner, grinning, cuz he knew how much fun I was having. And I appologized to the owner, stating that I have my views, and it's his club, but that he had to realize that having girls grind sparks off their crothces was NOT a form of liberal feminism which supported masturbation and encouraged self-confidence in sexuality, but a trashy peep show for men. And then he sincerly thanked me-- which really threw me off. And we stumbled home. Cheers!


They also had fun at Hogmanay, Dogmanay, and a couple of museums, and are now off to Inverness. But I just had to take this opportunity to say "Thank you," in public, to bluesound for taking my sister to a seedy underground absinthe bar and sex club in the Old Town. :D

(Truthfully, I think it's hilarious. And she loves being able to tell stories like this, so no harm done. Cheers for Scottish hospitality!)