April 13th, 2012

Takeshi-trauma-by pear_icons

The Hunger Games, condensed parody version

I recently read The Hunger Games, and admired it enough to write a condensed and not entirely serious version of it. I haven't seen the film yet, but look forward to doing so. And I have NOT read books 2 and 3 yet (but I will before long), so please try to refrain from spoilers on those. Speaking of spoilers:

People who should read this parody:
- Those who have read the book.
- Those who don't plan to read the book but want to know in ten minutes what happens in it.
- "Those who have seen the film without having read the book" could be included in that last category.

People who should NOT read this parody:
- Those who have neither read the book nor seen the movie, but do plan to someday, and are therefore avoiding SPOILERS.

So. Onward!

THE HUNGER GAMES (book version), condensed: Putting the "laughter" back in "slaughter"!
By Molly Ringle, with apologies and applause for Suzanne Collins, who did not give me permission to write this and will probably never notice it anyway.
April 13, 2012

CHAPTER ONE

The woods, District 12, Dystopian Republic of Panem. (No, Panem is not an airline. You're thinking of PanAm.)
KATNISS, age sixteen, shoots the family breakfast with a bow and arrow, assisted by bromantic bud GALE, who, despite his girly name, is a guy.
KATNISS: Ooh! Squirrel!
GALE: Yum. Do you want to run away with me?
KATNISS: Are you high?
GALE: Just throwing it out there.
KATNISS: Um. No. Let's go home and get prettied up for the reaping.Collapse )