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Classics in 140 characters

The third trimester, to my annoyance, is feeling a touch like the first trimester lately--fatigue and touches of nausea and too much smell in the world--though thankfully less on the tired/nauseated and more on the heavy/sore. Standing too long makes my feet hurt, so I sit. Sitting too long makes my back and rear hurt, so I stand. Eventually I'm exhausted, so I lie down. Lying down on my side squishes that arm to death, so I turn over. Then the other arm gets squished to death, so I try to lie against a pillow at an angle sort of on my back and sort of on my side--which makes my joints or stomach or *something* hurt. When I get tired of having been in bed all night without getting much sleep, and besides am getting hungry, I get up. Repeat cycle.

Also, the baby kicks like crazy when I lie down, at least for a while. Those little movements are so gentle when you first feel them around 4-5 months; they're like the motions of a goldfish flitting around in a baggie of water. By 7-8 months they're sometimes more akin to those of a cat trapped in a pillowcase (which you are forced to hug against yourself for some reason).

I console myself with knowing I only have 4-7 weeks to go and then I'm DONE.

I also take comfort, as always, in amusing myself in odd ways. For instance...

I'm not a Twitter user--how can one such as I, who so loves to ramble, confine herself to 140 characters?--but I heard this idea of condensing classic novels into 140-character posts/Twitters, and had to try it.

So here's a few...


Les Miserables:
Jailed. Escaped. Stalked by creepy cop. Now foster daughter is dating revolutionary. Everyone I know is going to die. God, I'm tired.

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall:
Hot widow with kid moved in nearby. Serious man issues. What's up with that? OMG, she let me read her diary! Think I'm in there.

Middlemarch:
Tried to be do-gooder. Married old guy, then he died. Got screwed over by will (because I want Will). Happy ending plz Eliot? Thxbye.

Tess of the d'Urbervilles:
If I get called a hussy one more time I'm going to kill someone just to prove I'm the victim here.

Vanity Fair:
I'm only friending you for your money, lol. No, seriously.

A Room with a View:
Charlotte's wrong, it means nothing nothing nothing that George kissed me in the violets, and...OK fine, it does mean something.

Jane Eyre:
My employer is totally hitting on me. Yummy. Wait a sec, WHO'S living in the attic??

Lolita:
The last few weeks have been amazing. You'll never believe it--I've been...you know what, I'd better not say.

Go ahead, add your own!

Comments

( 41 comments — Leave a comment )
mikailborg
May. 15th, 2009 04:42 pm (UTC)
1984:
This account has been deleted. Furthermore, there was never any account under this name. Please remain at your current location, comrade.
mollyringle
May. 15th, 2009 11:17 pm (UTC)
Hee! Perfect!
mikailborg
May. 15th, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)
From the Earth To The Moon:
@nicholl Oh, yeah? Well, *I* can build a cannon that'll hit the moon from here. Heck, I know a Frenchman who'd happily ride in the shell!

Dracula:
This Hungarian guy keeps texting my legal secretaries for information about moving here to London. I suspect he's some kind of sex fiend.
mollyringle
May. 15th, 2009 11:19 pm (UTC)
Hah, I can totally see Dracula working the Internet if he were alive today. "Cheap but elegant rooms available for vacation rental in Romanian castle! Arrive after dark please." (Or even the Nigerian scam style: "Dear friends and children of the night: I was once a prince of Transylvania, but war and oppression robbed me of my fortunes, and I beg your assistance...")
(no subject) - teenybuffalo - May. 16th, 2009 03:21 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - teenybuffalo - May. 16th, 2009 03:22 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mollyringle - May. 16th, 2009 03:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
kalquessa
May. 15th, 2009 04:59 pm (UTC)
Baby kicks are WEIRD. Weird, weird, weird. Good, too, and I'm glad I have a handy way to tell he's still alive in there, but. WEIRD.
mollyringle
May. 15th, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC)
Doesn't it make you wonder about those women who *didn't know* they were pregnant till going into labor? What did they think that was? Granted, they must have been very large with some crazy digestive/other health issues already, but still...
(no subject) - kalquessa - May. 16th, 2009 01:53 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mollyringle - May. 16th, 2009 03:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - kalquessa - May. 16th, 2009 03:27 pm (UTC) - Expand
celticmommy
May. 15th, 2009 05:03 pm (UTC)
Hon, I feel your pain. Seriously. I got big as houses with all three of my pregnancies, and was on bed rest for two of them. Yipes.

See, the hard-as-hades baby kicks are when you snuggle up to significant other, with your belly snuggled up real close to his back, and let the baby wake him up too! ;) It is really funny if you happen to set a plate on the incredibly handy baby-belly, and the baby kicks it off. And I've had cats get kicked off my lap by baby in belly, as well.

I'm sure your eager for the time when perfect strangers won't feel the need to rub on you like you're the sacred Buddha, too. *hugs you*

I'm loving the classics in 140 characters thing. I'm going to have to give it some thought. Mr borg up there did the one I'm reading right now (nice job btw!) and you already did Les mis ... maybe I'll do GWTW if it counts? or Fahrenheit 451? or 1984 mebbe ... hrm.
mollyringle
May. 16th, 2009 03:20 pm (UTC)
Aw, Giles ice cream quote in icon! Sweet.

I've totally had the book-disrupting kicks. But strangers tend not to touch me for some reason, so that's something. And oy, bed rest would probably drive me insane, so I'll try to keep in mind that it could be much worse. :)

GWTW would have lots of potential for this game. Just imagine Scarlett's Twitter feed...hah...
lilagrubb
May. 15th, 2009 05:32 pm (UTC)
I'm reading Les Miserables, I recently saw the musical. I like your summary. Hugo could have done with being less wordy at times. I have to admit I skimmed over Waterloo until I got to the body looting bit. I don't know why he dwells on Waterloo so much, we won, they lost.
mollyringle
May. 16th, 2009 03:21 pm (UTC)
I adore Les Mis, but I had to skim Hugo's long, long historical chapters in the unabridged version. We need the characters back, Monsieur Hugo!
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - mollyringle - May. 19th, 2009 12:18 am (UTC) - Expand
rachel2205
May. 15th, 2009 05:54 pm (UTC)
The Tess summary is my favourite - very on the nose!
mollyringle
May. 16th, 2009 03:22 pm (UTC)
Hee. Hardy's a very compelling writer, but his characters keep making the worst decisions.
ekatarina
May. 15th, 2009 06:00 pm (UTC)
Also love the Tess one!

Ekatarina
mollyringle
May. 16th, 2009 03:22 pm (UTC)
Thanks! When I read 'Tess' I actually didn't know how it ended, and was furious. Heh.
neadods
May. 15th, 2009 10:41 pm (UTC)
I love the Jane Eyre one!
mollyringle
May. 16th, 2009 03:23 pm (UTC)
One of my favorite books...who knew it could sound so silly? :)
(no subject) - neadods - May. 16th, 2009 07:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mollyringle - May. 19th, 2009 12:15 am (UTC) - Expand
thomas_a_kempis
May. 16th, 2009 01:49 am (UTC)
LemonLye rocks.
mollyringle
May. 16th, 2009 03:24 pm (UTC)
These days I more waddle, but still, thank you. :)
elycia
May. 16th, 2009 09:23 am (UTC)
By 7-8 months they're sometimes more akin to those of a cat trapped in a pillowcase

Okay, I do feel for you, but this is just hysterically funny. :-) Do you know yet if your future placekicker is male or female, or are you waiting for the surprise?
mollyringle
May. 16th, 2009 03:25 pm (UTC)
That's good; I aimed to find humor in it, at least. :)

Ultrasound technician a while back indicated another boy. Cool, we already have all the clothes! Heh.
modmerseygirl
May. 16th, 2009 03:59 pm (UTC)
Hope you feel better! *hugs* When are you due, again? It won't be long! :-)

Loved your Twitter-style summaries of those books. Very cute. :-)
mollyringle
May. 17th, 2009 04:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Have felt better this weekend, so it's good to know I can have "on" days as well as off days. Due date is June 29, but I'm hoping for a week or two sooner. ;)
naill_renfro
May. 16th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC)
Heehee -- but how did you not do LOTR?

My weird uncle gave me this creepy ring that everyone says is going to ruin my life. BFF Sam says chuck it in the nearest volcano. What to do?
mollyringle
May. 17th, 2009 04:23 pm (UTC)
Hehe--well, of course I thought of LOTR, but the multiple possibilities sort of paralyzed me. If I have more time someday, perhaps I'll give each major character their own Twitter feed. 140 characters apiece for a couple of dozen characters...that might sum things up ultimately!
(no subject) - naill_renfro - May. 18th, 2009 04:15 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - mollyringle - May. 19th, 2009 12:23 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - naill_renfro - May. 19th, 2009 03:22 am (UTC) - Expand
celticmommy
May. 18th, 2009 04:40 pm (UTC)
Okay here's Gone With The Wind ...

I'm so pretty omg. Love boy next door. He married his cousin. Ew. She loves me. Weird. Oooh Rhett's hawt!

That's what I'm coming up with at the moment anyways. It's a long arse book to condense into 140 characters. LOL
mollyringle
May. 19th, 2009 12:25 am (UTC)
Hee! That'll do pretty well. :D Though if there were room, something like "Rhett's hawt and OMG I hate him" would fit her. Along with, "Ugh, it's impossible to keep my hair clean when Atlanta's on fire. Ew."
(no subject) - celticmommy - May. 19th, 2009 02:35 am (UTC) - Expand
gavinworld
May. 23rd, 2009 03:14 am (UTC)
The Jane Eyre one cracked me up.
mollyringle
May. 24th, 2009 03:23 pm (UTC)
Hee. Thanks!
( 41 comments — Leave a comment )

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