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Classics in 140 characters

The third trimester, to my annoyance, is feeling a touch like the first trimester lately--fatigue and touches of nausea and too much smell in the world--though thankfully less on the tired/nauseated and more on the heavy/sore. Standing too long makes my feet hurt, so I sit. Sitting too long makes my back and rear hurt, so I stand. Eventually I'm exhausted, so I lie down. Lying down on my side squishes that arm to death, so I turn over. Then the other arm gets squished to death, so I try to lie against a pillow at an angle sort of on my back and sort of on my side--which makes my joints or stomach or *something* hurt. When I get tired of having been in bed all night without getting much sleep, and besides am getting hungry, I get up. Repeat cycle.

Also, the baby kicks like crazy when I lie down, at least for a while. Those little movements are so gentle when you first feel them around 4-5 months; they're like the motions of a goldfish flitting around in a baggie of water. By 7-8 months they're sometimes more akin to those of a cat trapped in a pillowcase (which you are forced to hug against yourself for some reason).

I console myself with knowing I only have 4-7 weeks to go and then I'm DONE.

I also take comfort, as always, in amusing myself in odd ways. For instance...

I'm not a Twitter user--how can one such as I, who so loves to ramble, confine herself to 140 characters?--but I heard this idea of condensing classic novels into 140-character posts/Twitters, and had to try it.

So here's a few...


Les Miserables:
Jailed. Escaped. Stalked by creepy cop. Now foster daughter is dating revolutionary. Everyone I know is going to die. God, I'm tired.

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall:
Hot widow with kid moved in nearby. Serious man issues. What's up with that? OMG, she let me read her diary! Think I'm in there.

Middlemarch:
Tried to be do-gooder. Married old guy, then he died. Got screwed over by will (because I want Will). Happy ending plz Eliot? Thxbye.

Tess of the d'Urbervilles:
If I get called a hussy one more time I'm going to kill someone just to prove I'm the victim here.

Vanity Fair:
I'm only friending you for your money, lol. No, seriously.

A Room with a View:
Charlotte's wrong, it means nothing nothing nothing that George kissed me in the violets, and...OK fine, it does mean something.

Jane Eyre:
My employer is totally hitting on me. Yummy. Wait a sec, WHO'S living in the attic??

Lolita:
The last few weeks have been amazing. You'll never believe it--I've been...you know what, I'd better not say.

Go ahead, add your own!

Comments

mikailborg
May. 15th, 2009 04:55 pm (UTC)
From the Earth To The Moon:
@nicholl Oh, yeah? Well, *I* can build a cannon that'll hit the moon from here. Heck, I know a Frenchman who'd happily ride in the shell!

Dracula:
This Hungarian guy keeps texting my legal secretaries for information about moving here to London. I suspect he's some kind of sex fiend.
mollyringle
May. 15th, 2009 11:19 pm (UTC)
Hah, I can totally see Dracula working the Internet if he were alive today. "Cheap but elegant rooms available for vacation rental in Romanian castle! Arrive after dark please." (Or even the Nigerian scam style: "Dear friends and children of the night: I was once a prince of Transylvania, but war and oppression robbed me of my fortunes, and I beg your assistance...")
teenybuffalo
May. 16th, 2009 03:21 am (UTC)
This wins! I like them all, but the Dracula entry takes the cake.

Hang in there, I wish you the best.
teenybuffalo
May. 16th, 2009 03:22 am (UTC)
Drat, I should have used this icon.
mollyringle
May. 16th, 2009 03:26 pm (UTC)
Hee--perfect one, indeed.

Considering Dracula is written as a series of letters and diary entries and such, it would be funny to redo it as blogs and emails...