Some excerpts I particularly liked:
DUMBLEDORE: I'd get used to the bleak colourlessness: that's here to stay.
YATES: What can I say? Hanging around Helena Bonham Carter brings out the Burton in me.
SLUGHORN: Dumbledore! Come in, come in! I've been on the lam for a year, carrying only photographs of teenagers I was fond of.
DUMBLEDORE: Relax, Harry, Horace isn't a paedophile. He just acts like one in more or less every way.
HARRY: Well, sir, it was you I was intending to keep my eye on. You've got notably camper since Rowling outed you.
DUMBLEDORE: (swatting him with a women's magazine) Oh, you bitchy thing you. Take my hand.
FRED & GEORGE'S JOKE SHOP/SINGLES BAR
HALF OF HOGWARTS shows up to flirt at one another over love potions. Which is kind of creepy, if you think about it, since they're all thinking, "I'm gonna roofie *that* one."
HARRY: Don't worry Hermione, you'll get together in the end. There are too many Ron/Hermione shippers to allow it to be any other way.
HARMONY SHIPPERS: We know, we know. But can you at least hold her hand so we can kid ourselves?
HERMIONE: (snuggling against HARRY) I know you feel the same way, Harry. I've seen how awkwardly you look at Ginny.
HARRY: (cradling HERMIONE) She is a vision of mousy perfection.
HARMONY SHIPPERS: We love and hate this scene all at once.
HARRY: Ron, you for once don't look as though you've just puked into your mouth. Is something wrong?
DRACO: (in a darkened bathroom, sobbing against his own reflection) I am the new icon for emos everywhere!
HARRY: You're showing your descent to the dark side with a side fringe and eyeliner? What is this, Spider-Man 3?
(And if, like me, you can't even remember the details of the book, I once parodied that for everyone's reference.)