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Chamber of Secrets parody underway...

Having re-read Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, I'm ready to start the condensed version. I hereby throw open the forum for anyone to make suggestions of jokes/criticisms/etc. that I absolutely must include. I'll list you in the credits if I do use them. I want to make sure to ask all the pertinent questions, like, "Why doesn't Hogwarts fix Ron's extremely dangerous broken wand, which is interfering with his ability to learn magic?"

One thing I'm also noticing is that it's going to be hard to parody Dobby and Lockhart. They're both already turned up to 11 on the absurdity scale. But I'll give it a shot.

Comments

( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
jjschwabach
Jun. 5th, 2010 10:37 pm (UTC)
Why is Lockhart, who is not particularly a skilled wizard, even if he is (by the lights of the WW) a Stone Fox, permitted not only to open a Dueling Club, but to allow junior students to participate?

Speaking of Ron's Wand. Had Snape not intervened, who knows what would have happened to Harry?
mollyringle
Jun. 6th, 2010 08:26 pm (UTC)
Yeah, Lockhart's incompetence is a bit glaring, so it's odd to see how much power they give him. Ron's broken wand is apparently just the means to give Lockhart his poetic justice at the end. (Surely there was some other way by which it could happen...)
jjschwabach
Jun. 6th, 2010 09:27 pm (UTC)
Like for instance, someone showing up having recovered from a Memory Charm? I mean, the fact that he's sent to St. Mungo's must mean they think a memory wipe is a curable condition. Otherwise, wouldn't he just be sent to the Wizarding World Home For the Bewildered? Also, it's somewhat worrying that no one ever made the connection between Lockhart's books and the sudden, convenient loss of memory of experts in those fields. I could see him getting away with it once or twice. But seven times?
mollyringle
Jun. 8th, 2010 10:54 pm (UTC)
Yeah--those and other head-scratchers (like your point about Ron becoming a prefect) can be frustrating to those of us who are writers and actually try to make our subplots believable. Do you find yourself thinking that too? ("If I wrote that, my critique group would never let it past the first draft!") Maybe this caution is why we aren't runaway successes yet. Hmm. :)
pokeystar
Jun. 6th, 2010 12:18 am (UTC)
I think certain parallels vis a vis Dobby and Jar Jar Binks could be made.

If there were diaries for Harry Potter a la LotR, Lockhart would definitely think he was the prettiest one.
jjschwabach
Jun. 6th, 2010 08:11 pm (UTC)
ROFL! And Harry would be writing in his diary, "Still not Chosen One?"
mollyringle
Jun. 6th, 2010 08:28 pm (UTC)
Hee! Indeed. And Draco would be writing, "Still not Heir of Slytherin."
jjschwabach
Jun. 6th, 2010 09:29 pm (UTC)
And Ron's would be, "Still not Head Boy?" Which he never does get to be, though, against all logic, he gets to be a prefect. Hermione, we can all see. She's a straight-A student Er, Straight-O student, that is, and as far as the PTB know, her behavior is exemplary. But Ron?
mollyringle
Jun. 6th, 2010 08:27 pm (UTC)
Hah! Love both of those. Will happily use.

There's even a chapter called "The Very Secret Diary" in this book, which I guess is why Cassie Claire named her parodies that. (Since she's also a big HP fan.)
pokeystar
Jun. 6th, 2010 08:54 pm (UTC)
Riddle could totally have a crush on Ginny - until he finds out who Ginny has a crush on.

may I suggest "Not dead yet" as his tagline?
mollyringle
Jun. 8th, 2010 10:55 pm (UTC)
Heheh. Voldy is pretty much saying "Not dead yet" the whole series.

It's tempting to write the whole parody in the form of Secret Diaries, but that would be something of a cop-out. I'll restrain myself to a few jokes...
gavinworld
Jun. 10th, 2010 01:27 am (UTC)
About Lockhart avoiding Trelawney, since they were played by real life ex-spouses in the movies?
naill_renfro
Jun. 10th, 2010 05:43 am (UTC)
Or work a pair of scissors in there somehow...
mollyringle
Jun. 11th, 2010 07:31 pm (UTC)
Dead Again! Hah! Here I thought no one else had ever seen that. I remember really liking it...but I was probably 14 or so at the time...
mollyringle
Jun. 11th, 2010 07:31 pm (UTC)
Good thinking! I'd forgotten that. :D Broken up by Bellatrix LeStrange, no less...
gavinworld
Jun. 13th, 2010 11:55 pm (UTC)
Kenneth Brannaugh ran off with Helena Bonham Carter?
mollyringle
Jun. 15th, 2010 02:47 pm (UTC)
Well, they were together a while right after his divorce from Emma Thompson. Don't know if it was strictly a cause/effect kind of thing.
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )