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"8 Things Twilight Has Ruined" article

This has been making the rounds, and at first I hesitated to post it because I do have several friends who adore Twilight, but...sorry, these things are too funny and too sadly true.

8 Things Twilight Has Ruined (Besides Vampires)

When I noticed number 6 was "Washington State," I laughed out loud. What they say is so true: people from out of state frequently ask if we live near Forks and/or have been to Forks. And, as the article also reports with perfect truth, "the state is so big that no matter where you are in it, you're pretty much always 12 hours from Forks." (More an issue of a mountain range and lots of wilderness standing between Forks and the rest of us, resulting in slow, curvy roads if you want to get there.)

The article is occasionally harsh toward Meyer's writing style, a criticism I only sort of agree with. My main problem with the Twilight series is not the series itself, though I can think of several ways to improve the plot and writing, if you were to ask. The series isn't that bad; it started out pretty strong and compelling, in fact, and even as it deteriorates, it's still basically fun, lightweight reading material. I'm in favor of the existence of such stuff. However, the big problem is the fandom--and the article covers that in spades. Please, younger women, I beg you: don't base your ideal of relationship material upon Edward Cullen. Nor Jacob Black, for that matter. Those relationships are unhealthy in the extreme. And older women, I beg you too: please don't lose your dignity and go borderline statutory-rapist over this fandom.

Hey, I know it's fun to be a fan. I'm always a fan of something. At times I've been a hugely dorky fan, complete with perviness. Scroll a few years back in my LJ if you need proof. But even back then, I was not sabotaging my relationship with my husband/fiance/boyfriend (whichever he was, depending on the year you choose) by actively seeking a Frodo or Spike or The Doctor of my very own. And while I do own a Frodo T-shirt (and a Legolas one too), I never owned underwear featuring any dude's face.

One of the other things the Twilight series has ruined, claims this article, is the publishing industry, in that paranormal romance has taken over like a gruesome variety of kudzu. And there we have the one way in which Twilight has helped me out: before reading it or even hearing of it, I wrote The Ghost Downstairs, and lucky me, that turned out to be the kind of thing people totally want to publish and read these days. However, I don't think we can pin that entirely on Twilight. Vampire and other supernatural novels with highly romantic moods have been around longer than Meyer's been alive, let alone writing.

As for all the innocent people named Bella, Edward, Jacob, Cullen, Carlisle, Victoria, or Renesme out there, I do feel deeply sorry for them these days.

I'm kidding about "Renesme." Man, is that the clunkiest name invented in a long while.

[For this post you'll notice I chose an icon reminiscent of sparkliness in night-dwellers.]


( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 25th, 2010 11:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, god. I had no idea that Twilight was actually, literally ruining so many peoples' relationships--I thought it was ruining them in a more subtle way, by giving people expectations for love that real life can't (and shouldn't) live up to, not literally "if you don't like Twilight then you're not my boyfriend anymore." Thanks for posting this link.
Jul. 27th, 2010 07:03 pm (UTC)
It is rather alarming, yes? However, we ought to keep in mind that these are probably lame teenage relationships that would have died anyway, for some other dumb reason if not because of Twilight. :)
Jul. 25th, 2010 11:33 pm (UTC)
And I have the appropriate userpic....
The LOL point for me was, "...chupacabra falling in love with human women..."

I'm sorry. Never got the Vampire Lover thing. It didn't work in Buffy, and it for darn sure wouldn't work as a main plot point. (For the record, I was with Xander on the whole Angel thing. Angel:Vampire. Buffy:Slayer. Simple equation.)
Jul. 27th, 2010 07:05 pm (UTC)
Re: And I have the appropriate userpic....
We laugh, but I bet the chupacabra thing has been done!

I preferred Spike/Buffy to Angel/Buffy, but either way, there were large obstacles. (I'm sure I'll get flamed, but...was Riley really so bad? Bad for drama, maybe, but in a real-life scenario, he'd be the wise choice. You know, real life, with vampires.)
Jul. 26th, 2010 01:37 am (UTC)
I read a couple of those "MLIT" quotes to my husband. He was horrified.
Jul. 27th, 2010 07:05 pm (UTC)
Yeah, they are horrifying, but as I figure it, those were probably teenage relationships that were doomed anyway. :)
Jul. 26th, 2010 02:51 am (UTC)
Twilight has done one good thing though. Paranormal shows, vampire or otherwise thought vampires are particularly big, are quite popular right now. I've been rather enjoying True Blood, Being Human and The Gates. :)
Jul. 26th, 2010 05:11 am (UTC)
I think Twilight's surfing that wave rather than generating it, though.
Jul. 27th, 2010 07:06 pm (UTC)
I've been meaning to read the True Blood books (at least a few) and then get to the series, someday... But yeah, as Naill says, Twilight's not the first of the paranormal craze. Still, it might be the most widespread.
Jul. 26th, 2010 05:29 am (UTC)
The Wuthering Heights cover made me laugh and feel nauseous at the same time - a new and not entirely welcome sensation. But the misuse of "literally" was pure laughter, albeit of the cruel sort that is the expense of someone else.

I spent a fair amount of time in airport bookstores around the USA over the past few weeks. In each of these there was a section labeled "Children's Fiction," and I discovered that this is apparently now a euphemism for "vampire soft porn." There was nothing else at all for kids over about eight.

Yes, we miss you, Harry Potter!

Also: Frodo? Really? Not the (still not) king or the elf?
Jul. 26th, 2010 05:00 pm (UTC)
Naturally I love all the LOTR folk in their own way, but surely you aren't surprised that I'm primarily of the hobbit-fancier persuasion. ;) After all, besides their boyish charm, they have the healthiest senses of humor in all of Tolkien. Which isn't saying a whole lot, but hey.
Jul. 26th, 2010 08:35 pm (UTC)
Date Frodo, marry Sam.

I always felt bad for Gimli, though. No groupies.
Jul. 27th, 2010 07:08 pm (UTC)
Heheh. And date Pippin, marry Merry? Or vice versa?

I am sure there are Gimli groupies. LOTR spawned perviness beyond imagining, encompassing all.
Jul. 26th, 2010 06:28 pm (UTC)
As for all the innocent people named Bella, Edward, Jacob, Cullen, Carlisle, Victoria, or Renesme out there, I do feel deeply sorry for them these days.

Edward is still one of my favorite names, no thanks to the creepy associations that Twilight has now lent it.
Jul. 27th, 2010 07:07 pm (UTC)
We considered naming our first-born Edward (this was before Twilight), since it is a great name. It's Mr. Rochester's name, among other instances! But I'm glad we didn't now. *sigh*
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )