?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

Bad similes, analogies, and metaphors

From a clipping of the Oregonian, sent to me by my parents. Original authors uncredited. Possibly that's for the best. Still, I think these are hilarious and I tip my hat to them...assuming they meant to be funny, that is...

---
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
---
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
---
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
---
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
---
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
---
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
---
The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
---
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
---
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
---


Hee. OK, now I go back to the amazingly huge stack of essays and tests I'm supposed to grade. Nice talking to you.

Tags:

Comments

pegkerr
Jan. 30th, 2003 04:30 am (UTC)
I think some of these might be some of the finalists from the Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest? Here are the Grand Prize Winners.
tanaise
Jan. 30th, 2003 07:39 am (UTC)
I'm pretty sure they're from either the Style Invitational or a really funny book I collect copies of for friends called "Maybe He's Dead" which is a collection of similar newspaper competitions.

My favorite from this week (made up congressional bills): Bishop-Rogers-King act to introduce more outre ways to mate in chess.
mollyringle
Jan. 30th, 2003 09:19 am (UTC)
Hahah - love the chess one.

Yeah, the clipping said most of them are from the Washington Post competition, though they did sound Bulwer-Lytton-ish to me too.