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Dolphins are cool.

You know, I just have one simple request, and that is to have frickin' dolphins with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads.


I know the dolphins and sea lions don't quite realize the possible danger they're in, but even so, I think it's way cool that they can do this. For this honor, they are now on my top four list of Best Non-Human Mammals. (Sharing space with dogs and elephants.)

("Best" here means "most useful to humans.")

(No, I will not add cats to this list.)

Edit, 3/26/03, roughly 12:40 p.m.:
OK, look, people:
This is MY list of best mammals; you guys can like cats better than dogs for whatever crazy reasons you want. You just won't convince me. Because I'd like you to show me cats who sniff out drugs/bombs/criminals/missing persons, guide the blind down the street, herd sheep/cattle, bring medical supplies to people on battlefields or in avalanches and lie down beside them to keep them warm, or jump into icy water and haul a drowning person to shore.

You might find a few individual cats who can be trained to do some of these things. But you will find, for every one of those cats, whole armies of dogs who can do the same thing, and do it willingly.

Yes, there are stupid useless dogs out there. Lots of them. Yes, cats can be pretty and soft and warm, and when they're not being schizophrenic they can actually be friendly. But on average, dogs blow cats out of the water in terms of actual applied usefulness to and cooperation with humans. I just do not find this disputable. We've spent a lot more time breeding dogs for specifically these uses. Maybe equal breeding with cats (start with a larger variety, I'd suggest, like tigers) would someday return the same results; who knows.

By the way, Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein would probably agree with all you cat-lovers and dog-despisers. Islamic fundamentalists usually revere cats but hate dogs. Quite frequent to have dogs banned and killed in some of the more brutal Islamic countries. I think this tells us a lot. ;)


( 19 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 26th, 2003 03:50 am (UTC)
lol, awesome. Dolphins are amazing.
*so long and thanks for all the fish*

Horses? (+mules, donkeys, ponies) shouldn't they be on your "Most Useful To Humans Non-Human Mammals" list? Where would we be without horses?
Mar. 26th, 2003 10:19 am (UTC)
Yes...thought of horses shortly after posting this. Probably should include horses. Maybe llamas too. (Just because they're cute and quiet and carry stuff.) :)
Mar. 26th, 2003 08:05 am (UTC)
Cats are underrated. Sure, they don't fetch your paper or guard your home, but they have helped us survive in less noticeable indirect ways, Since cilization began they've kept our homes and food stores free of vermin. Without them, disease would have made urbanization close to impossible. Europeans found that one out the hard way when they got hit by all sorts of plagues after wiping out most of their car population

(And yes, the black death had some major benefits on Western civilization, but we probably would have never gotten that far without cats)

So don't front ;)

And dammit, the yeasts that make beer for us should be granted honorary mammal status, too.
Mar. 26th, 2003 10:22 am (UTC)
Terriers catch rats too. ;)

But, true, I hadn't thought of the Black Death connection when putting this list together. Keep in mind this is not a very official list, nor did I give it much thought. It's just hard to imagine cats being used in a systematic and reliable way, comparable to bomb-sniffing dogs and so forth. Still, as one who grew up with about 65 kittens and 5 cats over the course of my childhood (we had a very prolific calico), I'm well aware of the potential cuteness and sweetness of cats...
Mar. 26th, 2003 10:55 am (UTC)
cats vs dogs...
Dog thinking: "This person gives me food and shelter, he must be a god."

Cat thinking: "This person gives me food and shelter, *I* must be a god."

Still like cats better...they don't chew stuff as much.
Mar. 28th, 2003 05:09 pm (UTC)
*blink* yeasts aren't mammals....
Mar. 26th, 2003 08:59 am (UTC)
I knew dolphins were clever, but dude!
Mar. 26th, 2003 10:07 am (UTC)
Dolphins kick ass.

And I agree about the cat thing. All my cat does is eat food, piss on my carpet, and look at me resentfully when I offend her sensibilities.

Of course, I still love her. But she's totally useless...unless the government is looking for mammals that can "supervise".
Mar. 26th, 2003 12:48 pm (UTC)
Hehe...that might work... "comply, or my cat will despise you! I'm not kidding!" :)
Mar. 26th, 2003 12:06 pm (UTC)
that rocks so hard.. hehehehe :)
Mar. 26th, 2003 03:36 pm (UTC)
I saw a news item the other day where they had seals (sea lions?) from CA doing it. I think (don't quote me on this, I am not from CA!) they were from an area where the seals are all over the place.

Smart sea mammals.

I think manatees are under rated though. And cute. *grin*

I love my cat, psycho Royal Princess of Fuzz that she is, but I don't hate dogs.

Long live cool aquatic mammals!

And mucho cool for the "hitchhikers guide to the universe" type quote. *grins*
Mar. 26th, 2003 04:33 pm (UTC)
Yeah, they said sea lions were in on it too. There are indeed plenty of sea lions on the CA coast...in fact, they're kind of a pain, apparently. They have a tendency to take over piers, in large groups, and just lie there all day. For months at a time. So, if they're putting 'em to good use, so much the better!

I'm always kind to cats, even though 75% of them act psycho when I come near. I climbed up a precarious ladder just the other week to rescue one who was sitting on the roof yowling. Rather than come within my reach, she took a flying leap into a tree and got down herself. *sigh*

Hmm, someone else posted a 'Hitchhikers' Guide' quote ("So long and thanks for all the fish")...mine ("frickin' laser beams...") was of course Dr. Evil from 'Austin Powers.' :)
Mar. 26th, 2003 04:43 pm (UTC)
yeah I know.

And then he GOT the sharks with laser beams on their heads in Goldmember. *grins*
Mar. 27th, 2003 11:58 am (UTC)
Hehe...yep...good ol' Scotty.

(Is it wrong to find Scott Evil kind of cute?)
Mar. 27th, 2003 12:30 pm (UTC)
Only if you didn't think he was cute until he started going bald. *grins* I liked the actor (Seth Green) when he was Oz on Buffy. He was such a CUTE werewolf!
Mar. 27th, 2003 02:51 pm (UTC)
Definitely cuter *with* hair. :)

Seth seems like a cool guy, too, from the times I've seen him on talk shows and such.
Mar. 26th, 2003 03:58 pm (UTC)
Monkeys are supposed to be doing land mines, too. teehee.

As for the rest, well, if I wasn't so well adjusted...I might take it personally, girlie. ;)
Mar. 26th, 2003 04:27 pm (UTC)
Heard about the monkeys. Considered adding them, too...but this really is not a very official list, and anyway, monkeys are slightly nuts.

It wasn't aimed at you, but I did wonder if you'd rise to the bait. ;) Anyway, I never said anything about their relative merits as pets, which is all that's relevant to most people. I still guarantee (and you well know) that you could not find near as many life-saving cats as life-saving dogs. But, as pets, cats tend to take care of themselves more, and require less attention, so in some ways they're easier to live with.

Elephants may be extremely cool (and not just for their symbolism in a certain party), but unless I had a whole lot of acreage and money, I think I'd rather have a cat as a pet than an elephant.

(But I'd still rather have a dog than a cat.)
Mar. 27th, 2003 04:13 pm (UTC)
Ooh ooh I got it! Get a dog, and name it Cat. Then, get a cat and name it Elephant.

*blink* Yep. It's official. I've lost my mind.
( 19 comments — Leave a comment )