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Modern technology in LotR

A silly LOTR post...because it's been way, way too long.

Sometimes you encounter crossover or alternate-universe fanfics in which the Internet or TV or some other modern innovation (e.g., hair dryers, usually in conjunction with Pretty Elves) exists in Middle-Earth. So here's my flippant off-the-cuff list of...

Top Ten Advantages of Introducing Modern Technology to L.O.T.R.

Warning: possible spoilers.

10. Shampoo, electric razors, deodorant. Enough said. (Excepting Legolas, who doesn't appear to need these.)

9. Text message from Gandalf to Frodo: "It's OK, I'm alive. U guys in Mordor yet?"

8. Voice of Saruman could probably be shouted down with bullhorn.

7. Mithril vest for one member of Fellowship: good. Kevlar vests for all nine members of Fellowship: better.

6. Shock collar on Gollum would ensure he couldn't go sneaking ahead.

5. Cell phone call from Theoden to Eomer: "Yeah, we need you to turn around and come meet us at Helm's Deep. Right now. Oh, and bring the tank."

4. Anti-aircraft artillery very effective against flying Nazgul.

3. Shelob's Lair much easier to navigate with night-vision goggles.

2. Swords and Light of Earendil: good. Giant can of Raid sprayed directly into spider's eyes: better.

1. Attach Ring to atomic bomb. Have Gwaihir-the-eagle drop it on Mount Doom. Problem solved.

Feel free to suggest others. Granted, there would be serious disadvantages too - imagine if Sauron and Saruman got hold of heat-seeking missiles or whatnot. But this is just for fun, so let's not get too heavy.

And please note: I AM NOT BEING SERIOUS AND I DO REALIZE IT WOULD RUIN THE ENTIRE PLOT TO INTRODUCE MODERN INNOVATIONS.

Sorry about that. Sometimes people are humor-impaired and I need to put the Sarcasm Alert Sticker two inches in front of their eyes before they get it.

Comments

jedmiller
Apr. 10th, 2003 09:15 am (UTC)
Would that make Merry an "embedded reporter"?

Hey, don't rush me with the slashy stuff! ;-) To me, "Slash" is still a guitar player, or a character from "Square Pegs."

(But the elf slumber party mentioned above definitely has me giggling. Picturing the super-cool way they leap into bunkbeds...!)
mollyringle
Apr. 10th, 2003 03:54 pm (UTC)
Picturing the super-cool way they leap into bunkbeds...!

*almost chokes on cereal from laughing*

Hehe, oddly, I didn't intend the embedded-Merry comment to be slashy (for once). I just figured, since he was down there on the battlefield, perhaps he would count as embedded. Anyway, he spends most of that battle hovering around Eowyn, so even if it's kinky it wouldn't be "slashy." :)
rachel2205
Apr. 11th, 2003 05:28 am (UTC)
Hee hee, definitely. Someone needs to write a fanfic for my little party idea - I would, but I'm not as deeply embedded in the LOTR world as some of you folk are, so wouldn't do the characters justice. But I do love those pretty men and their silly homoerotic ways ;)
jedmiller
Apr. 11th, 2003 06:27 am (UTC)
Maybe we could start with, like "LOTR: The Teen Years" or "Ring Babies."

"But Uncle Bilbo...! I only borrowed the ring to find out if Courtney Bracegirdle liked me!"