The Very Secret Diary of Frodo Baggins, Part 2
Done, as always, as a tribute to cassieclaire and with no claims upon the Tolkien characters.
Woke up today with Sam wrapped around me, keeping me warm. Such a considerate lad. Where would I be without him?
Just FYI, lembas is quite dull when you don't have any chocolate spread for it. Told Sam I'd give anything to lick up just one little blob of Nutella. He suddenly started choking on his food. Not sure if something went down the wrong tube or what exactly. Anyway, he's fine now.
Think Gollum is following us. Will try to catch him by doing old fake-sleep gag tonight. Sam said hobbits making out would look vulnerable as well, but that's clearly moot point as there are no hobbit lasses here for us to make out with. Don't know where that boy's head is sometimes.
Have picked up Gollum and entered Dead Marshes. Ring's power is growing stronger. Had strangest notion today that flying Nazgul was cute, and wanted to feed it lembas. Luckily Sam dragged me under bush before I could try it. And yesterday I saw really hot Elven prince in water, and dove in after him. Imagine how silly I felt when he turned out to be ghostly mirage. Got soaked and covered with slime for nothing. *sulk*
Stroking Ring feels good. Really good. I'm sick, aren't I?
Gollum v. confusing. Said today, "Sooo pretty, soooo special" while staring at me. Told him yes, I knew Ring was pretty and special but he couldn't have it. He answered, "Oh...yes yes, Ring pretty too." Don't understand what he was talking about. Maybe this ivy-leaf brooch? Everyone covets it.
Think I said some mean things to Sam. Not sure. My mind wasn't really there – was having involved fantasy about taking bath with Ring and trailing it up and down bare flesh.
OK, I need therapy.
Have been holed up as captives of Faramir, Boromir's brother, for last few days. Am apparently world's worst liar, as he didn't buy my spa story for a second.
Tonight he offered to show me his "quality." Had no desire to see it, so tried to climb to skylight and escape. Didn't work. Getting put in handcuffs again.
Usually try to think the best of people, but what with handcuffing and blindfolding and showing of quality, think this Faramir is really quite the perv.
Though I suppose people who like to fondle Rings should not pass judgement.
Hallloooo from sunny beaches of Osgiliath! Haven't been this drunk since 33rd b-day. Men of Gondor sure mix stiff pina colada. Yum! Think I will put this small flowering shrub on my head. Yes. Much prettier now.
So like I said we're going to Mordor, me and Sam and Gollum. Feeling v. good. Everything spiffy. This is funnest neatest coolest quest ever! Yeah! Woooo!
Good lord my head hurts. Don't even remember writing that last entry. So that's where twigs in hair came from. Ugh. Sam said something about a dance I did too, but his servantly modesty seems to be holding him back from telling more. Mercy save me. Hope I didn't speak of Gimli's attractiveness.
Sam just offered to wash my hair and rub massage oil on my back, so I will go take him up on it. You know, if it were anyone else, I'd think they were hitting on me.