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What the hell is my problem?

("We don't know, Mol, but we bet it's difficult to spell.")

It's just wrong to need the air conditioning at 10 p.m. Of course, in one week I'll be in the cool and damp of Seattle; and then on the 4th of July I'll be at the Puget Sound beach house where it almost always rains for Independence Day. Most people are used to tanktops and sunscreen and hotdogs for the 4th. I'm used to raingear, and firecrackers dying in the drizzle. It's charming, in its way. In any case it's better than needing the air conditioning at 10 p.m.

During our visit north for the house-hunt, I was a stress case, and to make matters worse I hadn't exercised much in a week or so, due to having had a cold. Getting no exercise makes the stress effects hugely more noticeable. I had barely any appetite. Seeing people I liked made me more stressed, because, well, I want them to like me and I want to seem cool. It's an incredibly dumb cycle of heavy-duty introvertive angst that I sometimes get into, and seldom know how to get out of. In this case, finding a place to live relieved the stress, and then returning here and getting some serious exercise (bike-riding around town) helped a great deal too. I am now eating like an elephant, despite the heat. Thank goodness. Unwilling anorexia is really not my preferred lifestyle, but under certain stressful times I swear my stomach actually shrinks. I just *cannot* eat more than a tiny bit at a time.

Seriously, what the hell is going on when that happens? Any medical types among you have any idea? Because I hate it and want to outgrow it, not grow further into it. I've looked up anxiety disorder and so forth on the web, and I'm pretty sure I don't have that - I'm not as miserable as those folks describe themselves. But I'm such an introvert, and make such a big deal to myself about seeing people, especially people I like, or going places (especially fun places), that I make supposedly fun situations no fun at all for myself. It is so, so stupid. I can see how stupid it is. Yet it happens anyway.

But, here I am, eating cookies and drinking port, so that explains why I'm rambling. Er, I mean it proves that I can get past it after a few days. Or something. Let's just move on.

Happy Gothly things:

When you do a Google search on "Edinburgh ghost legends", even without the quotation marks, you get my webpage about Tourist Attractions first, and the publisher's webpage 6th. This is a small thing, but it pleases me. And a search on "Edinburgh ghost stories" turns it up 8th.

Tolkien Online has a picture of the location where they're filming the entrance to the Paths of the Dead. Thanks to wee_tolkien for reporting that. Looks very spooky and cool. New Zealand was a heck of a good choice for Middle-earth - they seem to have all the requisite landscapes. (OK, so Lothlorien was mostly a sound-set. This doesn't disprove anything.)

I almost never talk about stories I'm in the process of writing, mostly because I figure you couldn't care less, but I'll just mention for kicks that I'm actually giving up on a story that I've been slaving away on for the past couple years. It's been ages since I've given up on a novel after putting so much effort into it. But it isn't clicking for me, and it just shouldn't be this hard. I think I'll abandon it, come back to it some other year maybe, and in the meantime write some fun outlandish ghost story, since obviously my mind is wandering in such places lately. A big house with a tragic accident in its past and a poltergeist in its present, and a cute guy who might hold the secrets to what's going on - yeah, I think that's the kind of thing I can write. Heh. I know. I'm sad.

Enough already! Goodnight.


( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 26th, 2003 10:36 pm (UTC)
You can buy guidebooks now that tell you all the locations in NZ where they filmed for LOTR, I reckon they'd be really good for planning holidays.
I might go and buy one some time :)
Jun. 27th, 2003 03:43 pm (UTC)
I would love to do such a thing. V. geeky of me, perhaps, but so be it. Too bad NZ is a freakishly long flight from the US.
Jun. 26th, 2003 10:38 pm (UTC)
oh yeah, and they're planning on filming The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe here if they can get some support from the government.
The guy who directed Shrek is going to be making the Narnia movies :)
Jun. 27th, 2003 03:44 pm (UTC)
Well, if they do it like Shrek, they won't need any particular location, as it will all be CG. :) But NZ would make a fine Narnia, as well.
Jun. 27th, 2003 04:28 pm (UTC)
From what I've been told, it's the same Director, but it's not Pixar making the film.
It won't be CG, it'll be... whatchamacallit.. live action?
With real actors and things.
Jun. 27th, 2003 01:07 am (UTC)
Hmmm...maybe some kind of social anxiety? Though to be honest, you don't seem like the introverted type to me. *eyes you sideways* Nope.

In all honesty, though--and I'm no medical expert by any stretch of the imagination, but--it sounds to me like you're just stressed. I mean, you're moving--that's a huge stressor no matter WHO you are--and you've got four hundred other things going on in your life too, unless I'm very much mistaken. I wouldn't worry, dear--unless I've missed my guess, the worst a doctor would diagnose you with is being human. ^_^ *hugs*

It occurs to me that I seem to be unnaturally fond of using dashes.
Jun. 27th, 2003 03:46 pm (UTC)
Aye, I'm definitely stressed. Thing is, I'm stressed too often and by the silliest things. I can get this way when I'm *not* in the middle of moving, easily. So I guess I should research relaxation techniques.

The cyberhugs help too. Thank you. :)
Jun. 27th, 2003 06:35 am (UTC)
good question
I have a good friend who eats CONSTANTLY when she gets stressed. Got a problem? Go for the peanut butter cups. She has always been a healthy-sized person, but really baloons when she gets nervous. Me, on the other hand...well, I can't even think about eating when I'm upset. I wonder if everybody is either an eater or non-eater in times of trouble?
Jun. 27th, 2003 03:47 pm (UTC)
Re: good question
Could be, could be. I've heard of such people too, and I think I'd rather be one of them than one of my own type. Being weak and nauseated is no fun; I'd much rather have the munchies. I can always exercise it off later.
Jun. 27th, 2003 01:29 pm (UTC)
I just got back from New Zealand. It was SO AMAZING! I felt like I was in Middle Earth and kept waiting for Legolas to show up and guide me around. :)
Jun. 27th, 2003 03:52 pm (UTC)
I'm very envious. If I could pick one place to magically transport myself to on Earth, it would be NZ. Too bad it's such a long, long flight... well, someday, maybe!
Jun. 28th, 2003 04:44 pm (UTC)
Hey... the same type of thing happens to me. Clinically, it is my way of dealing with panic attacks brought on by stressful situations. As someone who *was* anorexic, not eating/not being hungry is a mental situation that allows me to have "control in uncontrollable situations". Anything can bring this on – awaiting a phone call, making a phone call, meeting up with people, or just generally being stressed. I actually get jittery, my blood pressure lowers and I get short of breath as well (in full-blown panic attack mode… which, luckily, does not happen much). The mentally induced anorexia is very common for me; it may last days and I’ll usually end up with a fluctuation in my weight. I also tend to go through a bit of melancholy mood whenever this occurs. I just accept this as part of my make-up and try to pull myself out of it as best as I can when it happens. Support is the best thing… Kevon is a godsend when this happens.

*Shrug* - Maybe your experience is something similar?
Jun. 28th, 2003 09:47 pm (UTC)
"control in uncontrollable situations"

Hmm, interesting. Certainly a possible explanation for me as well. I've never been actually anorexic - this kind of nervousness didn't really start affecting me till I was in college, and seldom lasts more than a few days at a time - but I have had occasions of overeating and sorely regretting it later. So maybe I'm also subconsciously trying to avoid stuffing myself. Sounds like the same kind of situations: basically anything social.

But then sometimes I have cases like tonight, where I was out at a restaurant with Steve and his parents, and ate not only all my own food, but some of Steve's leftovers. Heh. Bizarre. Not complaining, though, as it's an improvement.

It certainly affects the mood to have low blood sugar, or just not enough energy in general. Lovely vicious cycle, isn't it? But a calm husband who understands and stabilizes situations for us is indeed a godsend. Glad we both have one of those, at least. :)
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )