Mol (mollyringle) wrote,
Mol
mollyringle

Jealous-making scenery (and that Glick-Lij thing)

Ah, yes. This is what I have been missing. The view from a mile or two west of here:

Nice big desktop-style photo of water 'n stuff.

I guess I never posted a photo of the central valley (Sacramento Valley) for comparison's sake, when living down there, mostly on account of it being ugly. So here's how to create such a photo yourself: Take the following items:
10 acres tall dead grass
1 strip mall
1 six-lane highway
2 palm trees
5 oleander bushes
Arrange them in your favorite still-life pose, turn up the heat to 100 degrees Fahrenheit, snap a photo, and presto, you have a picture of California's central valley.

In an unrelated note, remember when I was speculating on what Elijah Wood's interview on "Primetime Glick" would be like? Well, they actually aired it last month. 'Twas quite goofy and entertaining. I found the transcript today and realized I'd posted it on lordoftherings, but not here. So, what the hey: Here's the transcript, if you missed it. Enjoy!

* * *

June 12, 2003, "Primetime Glick," Comedy Central

JG: I'm sitting with one of the most exciting new stars to smash through the horizon – his name is "Elijah." And...there's a last - [checks script] – Wood! And he's a talent. And he's a remarkable spirit. And I think you're wonderful!!

EW: Well, thank you!

JG: Oh, and look at these piercing – these piercing blue eyes.

EW: Yes.

JG: It's like having Paul Newman back. [Elijah laughs] It really is. Without being burdened with all that masculinity and all that stuff, that baggage that Newman carried.

EW: That's right.

JG: You've been an actor for, what, ten minutes?

EW: About fifteen years.

JG: Fifteen years.

EW: Yes.

JG: Isn't that amazing – so you started in your 20s.

EW: Uh, no - no, I'm in my 20s now...

JG: So you started at...at...14 or something...

EW: Eight years old?

JG: Eight years old.

EW: Yeah. Little, little kid.

JG: And education I guess went out the window.

EW: Well, I was home schooled, but there has to be a school that provides the work.

JG: So, home schooling. How does that work?

EW: Well, uh, you get like a lesson plan and...

JG: A "lesson plan."

EW: Yeah, and you do your school at work, you get the books at, uh, at home, and you do it all at home.

JG: Can an Elijah Wood spell?

EW: Can – can I spell?

JG: Yes.

EW: I sure can.

JG: I'm going to throw a word at you.

EW: Oh, God. All right.

JG: Are you ready, kid?

EW: Yeah, go for it.

JG: "Window."

EW: [laughs] W-I-N-D-O-W. [looks confused for a second] Yeah. That's right.

JG: No. It's E-W.

EW: Oh.

JG: But you see, that's the problem -

EW: And that's my initials, so...

JG: E.W.; oh, that's right...

EW: I should have known. So your name's Jiminy – is that – you know you're named after a very famous cricket?

JG: Well, I'll tell you exactly what happened. And it's a tragic story. I was four years old. My original name was Malcolm.

EW: Malcolm?

JG: Malcolm. And I never liked "Malcolm." It always sounded – it sounded kind of swishy or something.

[Elijah starts laughing]

JG: So I – one day I sat on two crickets who were mating.

EW: Oh.

JG: And I was wearing – I was – I was - well, to be quite honest, my uncle is Scot'ish, and he brought home a kilt. So I was trying it on and I wasn't wearing any underwear. And they scooted up my backside.

EW: Oh, that's terrible...

JG: And they were up there and they mated and they had children, and I had to have them surgically removed with tweezers. Over fourteen crickets.

EW: They had children in your bumbum?

JG: Well, as WE called it back then, they had children in the back door.

EW: Oh, okay.

JG: Well the next thing you know they nicknamed me Jiminy! [laughs] Isn't that funny, after all these years no one's asked me!

[Elijah claps his hands, laughing]

JG: Oh, that's wonderful!

EW: Well, there you go.

JG: What did – what did – what – you were in 'Back to the Future II'.

EW: Yeah.

JG: And you played a hobbit.

EW: No...no. Uh, just a kid, uh...

JG: Just a kid, who had a "bad hobbit", of – of – of smoking.

EW: No, no, just uh, the hobbit came many, many years later. But, uh...

JG: And what was that?

EW: The Lord of the Rings...

JG: Lord of the Rings.

EW: Yes.

JG: I know this story. Children eat each other.

EW: No...

JG: Look at the film, boy.

EW: Okay.

JG: Children are on an island. And they eat each other. They season each other first, and then chow down. They're in a plane crash.

EW: Oh, that's 'The Lord of the FLIES'!

JG: Lord of the Flies.

EW: You're thinking of 'Lord of the Flies.' Yep. That's right.

JG: What's your film?

EW: Lord of the RINGS.

JG: Mm, that's original. So, one word and they, suddenly they think from there it becomes a hit.

EW: Well, it was also – sure – well, it's two books, you know. 'Lord of the Flies' is a book, as well.

JG: Oh my goodness, so you DID learn something from that home schooling.

EW: Yeah, well...

JG: With the exception of addition, subtraction, reading, and writing.

[Elijah bursts into manic giggle fit]

JG: So. I guess we should move on. Um, you were in...[reading script] um...'Av-AH-lon.'

EW: Av-ah-lon, yeah. [giggles]

JG: You played – you played Barry Bostwick's nephew, or fictitious, what's this – there's a story there; you played someone.

EW: Uh, I played Barry Levinson as a child; it's sort of autobiographical. Barry Levinson diwrocted – directed – [laughs]

JG: "Diwrocted". See, this is going back to – had you gone to a REAL school, you'd realize that "diwrocting" is not something –

EW: [giggling] It's fictional.

JG: Well, it's not a word.

EW: [still giggling] No...

JG: It's "directing." But, see, this is - you sit there by yourself, you can't cheat from anyone...

EW: [laughing again] No...

JG: I wouldn't have – I wouldn't have graduated had I not cheated and lied. And I bet the prom was tough. What do you do, you just get in a limo and circle the block?

[Elijah bursts out laughing; Jiminy laughs too]

JG: Ah, "diwrocting." I love your innocence.

EW: Thank you.

JG: I love how green and innocent you are. So your nickname's "Elwood."

EW: Yes!

JG: And my cat was named Elwood!

EW: Oh, that's very nice...

JG: And I saw it on the news and I almost – I almost – I just, I was eating lasagna at the time and I dropped it right on the page; that's why there's so much stainage here. But I couldn't believe it – I loved Elwood.

EW: Oh – is – has Elwood passed?

JG: He was killed. I just found his head.

EW: Oh...

JG: On a golf course.

EW: Oh, that's terrible...

JG: Oh, it was awful.

EW: What happened to Elwood?

JG: My cousin ate him.

EW: ...oh...

JG: He's demented. I can't really tell the story 'cause my aunt's still alive – his mother. When she dies, I'll go on Merv or anyone who'll listen.

EW: Sure.

JG: 'Cause it's a wonderful story.

EW: Well, it's, you really can't tell it now.

JG: No, I can't, I wouldn't tell it now. Oh, it's dreadful. But it's our secret – shh, shh, button it up, boy, button it up. [checks script] You were born in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

EW: That's right.

JG: Do they call it "maize" or "corn"?

EW: Corn.

JG: What's maize?

EW: Um...I'm not really sure what maize is. It's a form of corn, isn't it?

JG: You know why?

EW: Why?

JG: You know why you don't know?

EW: 'Cause of the schooling?

JG: [nodding] Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

EW: So, should I...yeah, maybe I should...

JG: Well, this has been lots of fun! I've been sitting with – what's your name from the movie?

EW: Uh - Frodo Baggins?

JG: [pause] It is?

EW: In the film?

JG: Oh, well, I'm not, I don't know – you know what, I have no idea who you were.

EW: Oh.

JG: Isn't Patty Duke your mother?

EW: No, that's Sean Astin.

JG: Oh.

EW: Yeah.

JG: Oh, he's the one I WANTED to talk to.

EW: Oh! Right, well...

JG: Shoot.

EW: I'm sorry.

JG: Well, she might show this (?).

EW: Okay.

JG: Okay! Thanks! This has been my interview with Elijah Wood, and he's the star of 'The Two Towers,' and he's a star in his own right, and he's one of the sweetest spirits.

EW: [laughs] Thank you. It was very nice to meet you.

JG: Nice to meet you. And – we're gone. [turns to Elijah and points at him] Now, look. [cut to credits]

* * *
Tags: celebrity, funny, pictures
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