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Mullets of the fantasy world

I'm slightly dizzy and have a sore throat. Not too bad, but a good enough reason to skip work tomorrow. Heck yeah.

Yesterday evening, over dinner, radiofreecarbon, kenshi, K8 (code name for my sister who is married to kenshi), and I started talking about mullets. My parents, who were also there, weren't familiar with the term, so we launched into a full and detailed explanation. kenshi, incidentally, reports that the mullet is also called a "Tennessee waterfall," which I find hilarious and inspired.

Then I lodged a complaint, with the group at large, about some people claiming that hobbits have mullets. They do not. If we trimmed up the top and sides another two inches, then yeah, they'd have mullets - nice curly ones, too. But as it stands, they don't.

Still, what if they did? (We have to ask ourselves.) What if LOTR was set in 1988 and had a soundtrack by Warrant and Def Leppard, and all the characters had mullets, and the Orcs drove Camaros, and stuff? Well, to make that parody, what one really needs is Photoshop. However, we did come up with this much: what you would call the mullets on the various races of Middle-Earth:
Hobbits: Hullets; or perhaps Shirullets
Dwarves: Dwullets
Wizards: Wizullets
Uruk-Hai: Urukullets
Rohirrim: Markmullets
Gondorians: Gondullets; or Numenullets
Elves: Silmarullets

I think Faramir is actually closest to the mullet, as things stand in the film cast right now. But it was pointed out that Legolas wouldn't need his fancy braids if he'd just get a mullet cut. That would keep the hair out of the bowstrings quite nicely. I mean, isn't that the cool thing about a mullet; isn't that the whole point? You don't NEED to tie it back, man! It's totally convenient!

Yeah...I'll just go have some garlic now and hope to get my immune system and mental faculties back on track...


( 14 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 21st, 2003 07:17 pm (UTC)
To make you feel better, I will share with you a link that a friend of mine sent to me: The Secret Hobbit Name Generator

I, for example, am Lila Bolger of Newbury. Kevon is Berilac Toadfoot.

Fairy name-wise, I am Linwë Cúthalion and Kevon is Amras Lissësúl.

Woot or something... :D
Sep. 23rd, 2003 11:20 am (UTC)
Hmm, fun...
I'm either Lila Sandybanks as a hobbit, or Linwë Nénharma as an elf. Heh. There's one for the business cards...
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 23rd, 2003 11:21 am (UTC)
Oooh, Istarullets! Yes, that's much better. I like the literate ones. :)
Sep. 22nd, 2003 03:43 am (UTC)
you know what they say about mullets:

"business up front, party down the back."

you have to say it with a full aussie bloke-y accent... but you get the idea...
Sep. 23rd, 2003 11:22 am (UTC)
I've heard it put that way in American-speak, too. Always amuses me. :)
Sep. 22nd, 2003 03:47 am (UTC)
Feel better!
Sep. 23rd, 2003 11:23 am (UTC)
Thank you! I do feel rather better today.. (still home from work though. Wouldn't want to pass on anything contagious, after all.)
Sep. 22nd, 2003 05:46 am (UTC)
I like the idea of LOTR directed by Richard Linklater. In fact I like the idea of LOTR as a sort of teen movie in general. John Hughes or Penelope Spheeris or even George Lucas a la "American Grafitti."

But speaking of mullets...

Sep. 23rd, 2003 11:25 am (UTC)
Strider would totally fit all those Judd Nelson parts. And Arwen or Eowyn in the Molly Ringwald roles... Now, Anthony Michael Hall; I guess he'd be a hobbit... Tempting. Very tempting.

I've been curious about that documentary. Any good, if you've seen it?
Sep. 23rd, 2003 12:40 pm (UTC)
The documentary is great. It is very serious about mullets - as are the mullet-wearers in it.

This is beautiful parodic vein. Jennifer Grey as Eowyn, all frustrated and bitter. Ferris and Cameron as Frodo and Sam. Harry Dean Stanton as Gandalf. Spader as Wormtongue ("Theoden, the Grey Pilgrim's a total zero...."). Who for Gollum? Elias Koteas (Some Kind of Wonderful)? Cryer?

Saruman to Gandalf: "I've got you for two months."

Sep. 23rd, 2003 02:52 pm (UTC)

Oh, now, that's inspired. Especially Spader as Wormtongue - perfect. ("Really, sire, why would you want to keep this Eomer guy around? I mean, please, the man's a warmonger.")

For Gollum....hmm. Yeah, could use Jon Cryer. Or maybe the guy who played Booger in 'Revenge of the Nerds.' (There's another film we'd have to tie in somehow.)

And let's not forget Emilio Estevez as jock!Legolas. "Touch her again, man, and you'll die before your stroke falls."
Sep. 23rd, 2003 03:02 pm (UTC)
I'm starting to think we could get an entire /movie/ out of the Spader/Wormtongue idea.

But I'd be more for an Eric Stoltz Legolas, I think. You've got Jon Cusack to work with, too, since he was in Sixteen Candles.

... also picturing a Sheedy Galadriel shaking dandruff into her Mirror...
Sep. 22nd, 2003 05:49 pm (UTC)
I put on David Bowie.
I find a post about mullets.
Ah, the irony of it all.

Sep. 23rd, 2003 11:27 am (UTC)
Heh! I forgot about Bowie's mullet stage. He managed to make it look kind of alien, though, at least.
( 14 comments — Leave a comment )