So, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. He's moping around, unhappy. Soon the devil shows up.
"Hey, why so glum?" asks the devil.
"What do you think? I'm in hell," the guy complains.
"Hell's not so bad," the devil says. "Are you a drinking man? Smoking man?"
"Yeah, I WAS," the guy grumbles.
"Well, down here, Monday is drinking day," the devil tells him. "Scotch, bourbon, gin, vodka, wine, beer - you name it. We drink all we want, all day long. Can't hurt your liver anymore - you're dead! And then Tuesday, Tuesday's smoking day. We have cigars, cigarettes - doesn't matter; you can't get cancer anymore, right?"
The guy is perking up now. "Good point. That doesn't sound so bad."
"And if you like gambling, well, Wednesday is gambling day," the devil goes on. "We've got a whole casino down here. Craps, blackjack, slots, roulette, whatever you like. Can't go bankrupt; you're dead!"
"True," says the guy, happier already. "This is actually starting to sound fun."
"Now, what about drugs? You like drugs?"
"Great! Thursday is drug day. I can hook you up with cocaine, pot, heroin, meth, anything at all. If you overdose, who cares?"
"Wow!" says the guy. "Hell really isn't so bad after all!"
"Now, are you gay?" asks the devil.
"Oooooh!" says the devil. "You're gonna HATE Fridays."